


New Routine

by outofthedormroom



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Fluff, OCD, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:23:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 26,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4585911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outofthedormroom/pseuds/outofthedormroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura Hollis has lived with severe OCD all her life and is likely along the autism spectrum. Even with treatment and regular therapy her compulsions have controlled her life. She has never been able to maintain a romantic relationship until she meets a dark haired grocer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cinnamon Chips

**Author's Note:**

> TW: OCD compulsions and panic attacks. 
> 
> Sorry for any grammatical issues. I am uber dyslexia; I proof read the chapter a few times hopefully I'll catch most if not all of the errors.

‘17’

Laura stared at the number on the chip bag. The serving size was 17 chips. 17 was not one of Laura’s numbers. It was a prime number, Laura like numbers that were multiples of 2 and 5 evens were best. Prime numbers are the worst. She knows the compulsions and number based anxieties are irrational but they dominated her life; plus Laura really wanted these chips. They were cinnamon spice flavored; LaFontaine had given her four when the pair had hung out on Thursday. The chips were sweet, salty, and low cal but the 17 number seemed to burn itself into her brain. Her breathing was getting ragged as the anxiety mounted. 

‘Really OCD,’ she thought to herself ‘a panic attack in the middle of Trader Joe’s are we really doing this.’ Laura’s relationship with her OCD was the longest one in her life. They fought like an old married couple that should have been divorced long ago. Her OCD felt like a separate being that happens to live in her head. Her hands shaking Laura put the bag back and tried to slow her heart beat back to normal. She closed her eyes.

‘2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12,’ As she counted in her head she tapped her index finger on the cart ‘14, 16, 18, 20, 22’ 

“Miss can I help you?” A bored voice interrupted her counting. Laura’s eyes shot open; she took in the slim dark haired girl in front of her. Her pale skin was totally mismatched with the bright red Hawaiian shirt that indicated she worked at the store. 

“Do you wanna try the cinnamon pita chips? Store policy allows you to try anything you want.” Laura blink, her mouth slightly open, looking at the girl. She was beyond beautiful and, boy, did Laura hate to be objectifying but she was smokin’ hot. Laura was struggling for word. She was so taken about by the girl’s, Carmilla according to her name tag, beauty her heart skipped a beat and her number anxiety was replaced with social, a.k.a. pretty girl, anxiety. 

“No, I don’t want them...I um I think I need air but I need to get my shopping done by 2:22 so I’m home by 2:34 and then be ready to go the 3:15 movie with my friends LaF and Perry. It’s my Sunday routine; routines are important. The chips distracted me and now I’m behind and I need…” Her breathing was getting irregular again.

“Wow there cutie; inhale exhale.” Carmilla interrupted her with a kind smile, “Do you have a shopping list?” 

Laura nodded looking at the tightly held grocery list with two columns, twelve items in each column. 

“Give me the list, I bet I can get all your items in” She checks her watch “The 17 minutes till 2:22 while you step outside to get some air.” 

Laura slowly nodded and handed her list off to the woman. She gentle stepped forward and took the cart from Laura’s hands.

“Meet me at the empty register at 2:21; I’ll have you all checked out and you’ll just need to pay. Okay cupcake?”

“Yeah.” Laura said quickly before darting out of the store. She found a bench in the shade and sat down. She started her routine of counting and tapping. It took her 12 minutes to get her heart rate normal and her thoughts slowed down; you have four minutes until she has to meet the incredibly beautiful and kind Trader Joe’s girl that had saved her routine and likely Laura from having a much worst break down. 

‘She’s a stranger and she doesn’t know your needs; she’ll make a mistake.’ Her internal OCD voice told her. 

“Ughhhh” She said to herself. Laura did a couple of the breathing techniques that Dr. Samuels, her therapist, had taught her. Laura could tell her day was ruined; even if her routine stayed on track she’d be in a state of panic for the next day or two. She’d call Samuels practice in the morning and if she had an opening then she could stop a spiral. She wouldn’t have a break down over cinnamon pita chips. She glanced at the time on her cell, 2:20. Time to go in and check out, if the shop girl had managed to get everything. She hurried back into the store to the pre-appointed check out lane. Laura broke out into a wide smile. Carmilla was standing at the register looking very bored with six bags, even and multiple of 2. Laura knew there was no way this girl would know about her compulsions but it was still nice to make believe this beautiful girl had turned into an OCD hero. She felt some of her anxiety fade away when this goddess smiled, more like smirked, at her. 

“Cupcake I was getting worried. Your total is $68.73; cash or credit?” Her tone was sarcastic but in an endearing rather than mean way. Laura had four 20s, her personal favorite bill, she really didn’t want to deal with change. 

“Credit!” She swiped her card. And went to load the bags in her cart but Carmilla had already done it. Carmilla glanced at Laura’s receipt seeing her name at the bottom.

“Want it in the bag, Laura?” Laura blushed hearing her name coming from Carmilla. 

“I’ll hold it thanks!” Carmilla passed her the receipt; the tips of the fingers touched and it felt electric. Laura pulled her hand back quickly. She wasn’t good with touching even if the innocent contact felt nice. 

“Want any help loading up your car?” That wasn’t something the checkout people normally asked but this girl was pretty, nice, and, according to her phone’s clock, she was right on schedule. 

“Okay that’s really wonderful of you.” Carmilla winked at her and pushed Laura cart out as Laura followed her. The pair made their way to the parking. Laura giving directions every till they reach her car in the second row 12th spot. Laura pulled her keys out and popped the trunk. 

“Cupcake, not to be pushy” Carmilla said as she lifted the grocery bags. “but you seemed to have a bit of a panic attack back there. You okay to drive?” Laura shifted a little, embarrassed. 

“Yes...sometimes...I um have issues in my head.” Laura mumbled “But I’m fine now!” She added quickly and the funny thing was she meant it. This girl had an odd calming effect; the major panic attack that had happened less than half an hour ago seemed like a distant memory; maybe the day wouldn’t be spent on edge. 

“That’s good, I’m glad you’re feeling better.” Carmilla said with a smile as she closed the trunk. “My roommate, J.P., has aspergers and OCD. He runs like an informal support group; here’s my card.” Carmilla pulled a business card and handed it to Laura. She turned it over four times in her hand before. Carmilla Karnstein: Freelance Painter. 

“Look, if you have any interest or maybe want to hang out; text or call me. I’ll ask J.P. for the details.” Laura nodded and smiles. 

“Thanks; you’ve been really nice to a stranger it means a lot to me. Kinda made my day.” Laura was blushing as she starting to struggle with eye contact.

“Well I can’t help helping a beautiful gal like you.” Carmilla wiggled her eyebrows a bit before heading back to the store with a little wave.

Laura got in the car with a big smile. It was 2:28; her routine was six minutes behind and she barely cared.


	2. Pick Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of bullying, OCD, autism, and other learning disabilities

Laura hurried home. Even if she wasn’t freaking out about running six minutes behind her lateness could throw off Perry which wouldn’t help LaF. The three of them went to the movies and get dinner every Saturday since the group meet in Special ED during their freshmen year of high school. They very rarely missed a Saturday.

She rushed into her apartment and starting putting the food away; only stopping to scratch behind the ears of her support cats, Captain and Crunch. The extra six minute chat with Carmilla forced her to hurry while putting her groceries away. The lines in her cabinet and fridge wouldn’t be as neat as usual. She’d be battling compulsions to run home and ensure perfection in the organization of her food but she knew Perry was in a bad state which meant LaF was probably bouncing off the walls from stress rather than their normal ADHD. 

The three of them had bonded over their shared distasted for the other kids in Special ED. It wasn’t that they hated their peers; their discomfort came from a larger issue with the school. It seemed Silas High made a habit of sticking ‘bad kids’ in Special ED instead of dealing with their behavior problems. Kids who were on drugs, didn’t care, or were even violent ended up in the Student Support Center instead of an alternative aid. Those students often had disrupted behaviors problems that dominated their teachers’ attention while the good kids with diagnosed disabilities were more or less forgotten. Yes, the other students had their troubles and needed support but not the kind of help a Special ED teacher could give. 

Laura use to really feel for these kids the system had pushed aside but some of them were really bad seeds that bullied her, LaF, and Perry. The three of them never seemed to get the support from the teachers that they needed in order to be successful in school. The group had learned to cope by relying on each other. Perry was hyper organized, a compulsive planner, and made each of them a study schedule so the group stayed on track. Laura was a master at grammar and spelling which helped because both Perry and LaF were Dyslexic. LaF, even with their serve ADHD and Dyslexia, was a genius and they were the only SPED student taking AP science classes so they could tutor Perry and Laura. Plus they also had a quick joke if Laura or Perry started to get panicky. More so Perry; Perry had Autism and OCD which meant she had a lot of troubling with communication. So if something trigger her OCD Perry would struggle to verbalize it but Lafontaine almost always seemed to know what happen triggered Perry and calm her down. 

Laura glanced at the clock. 3:07; LaF and Perry would be expecting her to pick the pair up in eight minutes; their apartment complex was six minutes away. She should go now and not risk being late. Perry had been getting worst as of late. She was in a medical trial for people with Autism and OCD but the side effects had been causing nightmares and other sleep issues that affect her overall routine but Perry hadn’t shut down in a long while. Sometimes Perry would get so stressed and lost in her own mind that she stopped speaking, eating, even getting out of bed. She’ll just rock back and forth while LaF sat with them.

Laura hurried to the car, seven minutes, she turned the key and headed to see her best friends. She is planning on bring up Carmilla. Laura felt like Carmilla had flirted with her and if she wasn’t flirting then her roommate’s group could be good for socializing. Laura was trying to get better at socializing; for awhile her doctors and teachers thought she was on the autism spectrum but after years of testing and tracking her development the conclusions was inclusive. Her underdeveloped social skills could have come from her OCD developing when she was only four years old; right after her mother died. Most other kindergarteners didn’t want to count crayons; so she didn’t have anyone to interact with. 

She hit a red light. Three minutes, panic starts to knot her stomach. If the light changes within 50 seconds she’ll get there on time. Any longer and there would be a good chance of being late.

‘2, 4, 6, 8,’ tap, tap, tap, her fingers moved rhythmically against the wheel. ‘10, 12, 14, 16’ The light changed. She hit the gas; Laura was three blocks away. There weren’t any other lights or stop signs between here and there; it was more likely than not she would be right on time. Still the panic is rising and it felt like bile was in her throat. 

Then she saw the apartment building with an open spot right in front. The clock read 3:14; a minute early. Her stomach settled. Laura looks over at the door and she sees her two favorite gingers.


	3. Out of the Regular

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Misgendering 
> 
> I love all the positive feedback. lots of warm feelings.
> 
> Let's be tumblr friends?
> 
> http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

“Hey Laura!” LaF said as she opened the back door for Perry before getting in the front. 

“Hey,” Laura said warmly “What movie are we seeing?”

“Jurassic World the 3:25 showing at the Carmike. There wasn’t an even showing just a 5s showing. We’re sorry; we considered going to the diner first then seeing the movie but it is far too earlier for breakfast dinner.” Perry rattled off.

“That’s okay; 5s are good enough.” Perry nodded at Laura’s answer. 

Jurassic World was a rather unusual pick; it was a loud, scary, action which could increase anxiety symptoms but Laura had read online the movie was kind of silly. LaFontaine loved sci-fi and had been looking forward to seeing it. The group all love Chris Pratt on Parks and Rec; Perry had even compared Andy Dwyer’s goofy energy to LaF. They always saw movies a couple weeks after they came out because both LaF and Perry had issues with volume control. The group would try and find a space with very few people in it; especially since LaF liked to crack jokes throughout; they treated cheesey movies as their own episode of Mr. Science Theatre 3000. 

They got to the Carmike at 3:22 and brought their tickets but no snack much to Laura’s personal sadness as the sugary treats, overpriced or not, seemed to call to her. Perry was on a really strict diet which actually really helped with autism symptoms. Laura didn’t really understand the science behind it but it definitely has had a positive on her behavior. Before the new diet the group split a large popcorn and jumbo snow caps. Laura’s wasn’t too upset about skipping the snacks because she planned on getting waffles and ice cream at the diner later.

They reach screening room. It was nearly empty; it was August and the movie had come out in late June so Laura wasn’t shocked. There were a few teenages already making out in the back rows, a couple middle aged women in the middle right, and a single elderly man near the front. Perry heads for the middle left; LaF and Laura follow. It was perfect incase they have a noise issue. Perry is on the far left, LaF in the middle, and Laura to their right; same as always. There was something new; Laura noticed LaF and Perry holding hands on the arm rest. Perry normally didn’t do touching of any kind. What shocked Laura even more is Perry resting her head on LaF’s shoulder. 

The movie is even sillier then reviews said. LaF work both of them into a fit of quiet laughter over the heteronormativity that dominated the movie by the time the credits rolled. The group moved to leave the theatre but one of the middle aged women stood in their way and she had a nasty look on her face. 

“You girls shouldn’t laugh so much. It wasn’t a funny movie; the endless laughing was distracting!” She snarled. Perry went stiff and let go of LaF’s hand. Laura did not want to have a confrontation; she felt frozen in place. LaF jumped in.

“Well I’m sorry if our giggling bug you but you should have said something, we didn’t realize anyone could hear us. Waiting until after the movie to confront strangers who felt keeping heels on in a jungle is funny makes you the rude one.” The woman looked like she was about to explode. LaF started to move forward Laura and Perry went to move with them but they paused. “And don’t assume other people’s gender.” The three of them rush pass the woman and hurried to the car. 

“What a bitch.” LaF said Laura parked the car in the diner lot.

“Don’t cruse.” Perry mumble from the back still put off by the woman in the theatre. LaF turns around to look at Perry.

“We didn’t do anything wrong; you know we aren’t the best at volume control. Neurotypicals just don’t get that sometimes.” LaF said softly.

“We can’t go back there. We’ll have to find a new theatre.” Perry said as she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the car door. LaF and Laura quickly followed. 

The trio entered the diner and were greeted by the host who lead them to their usual table. This was really their place they had eaten at this spot every Saturday for over eight years; the only change to the routine was who was driving. First it was Perry’s mom, followed by Laf’s dad, then Laura got her license, after four attempts. 

Their regular waitress came over and each of them ordered the ‘regular,’ everyone seems to find their zen after the theatre incident. The group chats about their regular topics; it is very nice and relaxing. Laura notice that LaF and Perry sitting across from her were a lot more physical connected. Perry would touch LaF’s arm if they said something really funny, LaF push some of Perry’s hair back to keep it from touching her food; this was definitely a new element to her best friends’ relationship to each other. The trial drug and therapies must really be helping. Laura wished she had qualified but she was never confirmed as being on the autism spectrum. Laura longed be normal; although she knew nobody, neurotypical or not, was really normal she wanted to fit in better. 

Plus it would be nice not have near meltdowns over a snack’s serving size. With that thought she remember Carmilla. She dropped her fork and check her pocket making sure her card was still there; it was. The noise distracted LaF from their chatter about work. 

“You okay Laur?” Laura nodded picking up her fork.

“Oh yes, sorry! I just got an important business card today and wanted to make sure I didn’t lose it.” 

“Whose card?” Perry asked. Laura blushed a little.

“Is it a lady friend?” LaF asked with a bit of an eyebrow wiggle.

“Potential, I mean maybe potentially. I think she was flirting with me. She helped me when I got a little on edge at the store today. She was really nice and funny, well she didn’t say anything funny but I could tell. Oh and she was beyond beautiful.” Laura babbled on for a few more minutes while her friends listen.

“Have you texted her yet?” LaF asked. Laura laughed out loud.

“I don’t want to seem crazy you need to wait three days before contacting; that’s the norm. Plus I need to plan what to say” LaF shakes their head.

“That’s a rule from the movies not in real life. Just text her ‘Hi, its Laura from the store. It was great meeting you. We should chat sometime’” Laura whipped out her phone.

“Repeat that?” Perry repeated LaF’s word and Laura shot off the text. And she waited. Seconds seemed to become hours and the whole table wait for the response to come to Laura’s phone. Then her phone buzzed but not with a text message instead Carmilla was calling her. This was a scenario none of them had considered. Laura’s eyes filled with panic. LaF just pushed the phone closer to Laura. For a second she considered just letting it go to voicemail. Texting was so much easier but then she remember the adorable smirk Carmilla had wore during their short interaction and she grab her device.

“Hello?” Laura choked out.

“Hey cutie,” a voice rasped on the other end “I was hoping you’d get in touch. Sorry to call you instead of just texting back but I got your message as I was getting in my car to drive home.”

“Oh it’s okay I don’t mind but, um, I can’t chat for too long I’m having dinner with my friends.” She glanced between LaF and Perry who were both giving her encouraging smiles. 

“Then I’ll be quick cupcake.” Laura wondered if Carmilla could hear her nervously bit her lower lip. “I’d like to see you again; maybe we can chat over coffee?” Laura thought her heart stopped; her tongue had for sure. The silence on both ends of the call was awkward and deafening. 

“Laura?” Carmilla using her name snapped Laura back to reality. 

“Coffee sounds great but I’ll probably just get hot chocolate.” Carmilla laughed; Laura didn’t realized what she had said was funny. She hoped Carmilla wasn’t making fun of her; she felt like Carmilla wasn’t.

“What ever floats your boat.” Carmilla chuckled and Laura like the sound of laugh in her voice 

“Is tomorrow at 2 sound good?” Laura asked.

“It’s a date.” Laura felt her chest tighten at Carmilla’s words.

“Okay, bye.” Laura said her voice sounding oddly high as she hung up the phone. She felt embarrassed and awkward especially when she realized she had cut off Carmilla’s goodbye but she still couldn’t help up but smile.

“So…” LaF let the word hang, more of a question than anything else. 

“Looks like I’m going on a date.”


	4. Jumbo Marshmallow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet?

Laura checked her make-up in the rear view; it look nice and natural, nothing too flashy. It was 1:52 and she see could the coffee shop that Carmilla had texted her about this morning. She was excited and nervous but in a good way instead of the normal panic way. Laura glanced at her phone and she considering texting Carmilla that she was here early. She didn’t want to seem over eager nor did she want to wait in her car any longer. She settled on texting her that she was across the street. Laura sent off the text and got out of the car. She lean against her car enjoying the fresh air. She closed her eyes as the heat of the sun touched her skin, it felt lovely.

“Hey cupcake, sorry to interrupt your tanning session but I am craving some caffeine.” Laura jumped a little; opening her eyes Laura took in the sight of Carmilla. If Carmilla had been attractive in her uniform she was smoking hot, Laura chastise herself internally for being objectifying, in leather pants with a vintage looking black shirt with just a hint of skin showing. 

“Shall we?” Carmilla gestured at the coffee place across the street. Laura and Carmilla made their way to the Dean Bean, there wasn’t much of a line so the pair reached the front within a few minutes. 

“What can I get for you?” The punk-ish barista asked.

“I’ll have a soy latte.” Carmilla said and then looked at Laura; she recognized the social que and that it was her turn to order.

“Hot chocolate!” 

“Would you like jumbo or mini marshmallows?” The barista asked.

“Two jumbo ones, please.” The barista punched a couple numbers on the register computer.

“That’ll be $8.67.” Laura reached into her purse to grab her wallet but was beaten to it by Carmilla pulling her wallet out of the back pocket of her leather pants. 

“On me cutie let’s get a table.” Carmilla said dryly glancing at Laura as she paid. Laura followed Carmilla to a table near the back. It was a spot far enough away from the other customers that they could have some privacy. 

It felt rather intimate; which is how dates are supposed to feel, right? Laura thought to herself. Laura wasn’t the most experienced. She hadn’t gone on a date or even been kissed until her junior year of college when she and one her TA had ‘gone steady’ for a semester. The TA, Danny, was majoring in psychology and treated Laura more like a patient then a girlfriend. 

“So, um, you were saying about your roommate group thing at the store.” Laura said as she took her seat trying to avoid an awkward silence of any kind. 

“Yeah, J.P. works at the community center; although he’s a stand up comic just a survival job. But he noticed there were a lot for mental health support for teens and older folks but almost none for people our age. It hasn’t been around for too long as the attendance isn’t great.” Laura listened and tapped her pointer finger against her leg.

“Do you go?” Laura hoped she didn’t cut off Carmilla but it seemed like she was done talking.

“No, I don’t really play well with others.” Laura nodded; she had never been a fan of group therapy. Her sessions with Dr. Samuels was more then enough but if LaF and Perry came maybe group wouldn’t be too bad. 

Before Laura could speak the Barista brought their drinks out. Laura scoops out a marshmallow and pops it in her mouth enjoying the melt-y-ness as Carmilla took a sip staring at Laura over her cup. The Carmilla was giving her was different then she was use to; there wasn’t any judgement, or mockery, or worse pity. The look made Laura feel good and wanted in ways she wasn’t sure she could express. 

They chat and flirt. A little awkward but in a cute getting to know each other. Both women were resting their arms while leaning on the table. Carmilla bit her lip and look down at the table then back at Laura.

“So if I asked to hold your hand…” Carmilla trialed off. Laura brian went into overdrive. Her OCD voice was freaking out about germs and just touching in general but there was a voice that seemed to be beating out the OCD; a voice that told her she need to be more connected to the woman sitting in front of her. Laura anxiety mounted as she realized that her internal debate might be visible on her face.

“Sorry if I overstep.” Carmilla said leaning back putting her hands in her lap.

“Carm, sorry I got stuck in my head for second but…” Laura isn’t sure if she’s ruined the; if not she was going to try and save it. “I would have said yes...sometimes it just takes me a minute to figure out what I want. Thanks for asking though; it means a lot.” Carmilla had a small smile. “Sorry to ruin things.” Laura said looking away.

“Well since we’re done with our drinks anyways do you want to go for a walk?” Carmilla asked, Laura nodded in agreement and headed for the door. The barista wave at them as she went to bus their table. 

As they exited the shop Carmilla offered her hand to Laura and she took it.


	5. Sex Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: OCD and anxiety
> 
> Everyone is so nice! I love the feedback! It's really great to see people responding positively to stories about disorders that effect me.

What a week Laura had had and it was only Thursday. She had a coffee date on sunday that had ended in lovely walk and chaste kiss. Then on Wednesday Carmilla had texted her for a lunch date. They ate at a sandwich place their feet touching the whole time. It brighten up her normally boring work day at the station. Laura didn’t mind her job doing research for the nightly news but some days she craved the excitement of doing field work instead of being trapped behind a computer. Although she was excited for another date on Friday evening; Carmilla was cooking her dinner. 

When she and LaF went to get Happy Hour drinks Laura couldn’t stop rambling about how much fun she was having hanging out with Carmilla. 

“We get it crushin’ on grocers.” LaF said with a laugh, “Carmilla seems great and you’re already rounding the corner of big date number three.” 

Laura gave LaF a look; confused at their words. LaF stop giggling at their own joke.

“Oh I was just kidding about the third date thing.” They said.

“I don’t get the joke.” Laura said and LaF blushed.

“Well you know what they said about the third date.” They said.

“LaF! I don’t know these things. If it isn’t covered in Buffy I wouldn’t know.” Laura retorted.

“Well for some people the three date is the sex date and you’re going to her place so um…” LaF trailed off. Laura shifted clearly embarrassed. 

“I didn’t realize…I haven’t ever...” Laura mumbled.

“Oh Laura; it was a joke and probably isn’t even a real. It’s just something I’ve seen on bad sitcoms.” 

“But it’s a thing right?” Laura asked.

“It’s a cliche.” Laura knew LaF didn’t mean to upset her. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura stood nervously outside apartment 307. She wore her sexiest outfit at least what she thought was her sexiest outfit. It was fluffy lacey white dress, tied at the whist, and it hung off one of her shoulder. She had a single sunflower that she had brought from a vender on her walk over. It turns out Carmilla’s building was eight blocks from her place. An easy walk, even too. Her OCD voice said. She shook herself a little trying to calm herself. LaF comments rang in her head.

She knocked. Carmilla came to the door moments later. She leaned against the door frame with a smirk as she took in Laura.

“Well don’t you look like a virgin sacrifice?” Laura blushed and looked away as she held the flower out to Carmilla. Who sniffed it.

“Isn’t this lovely cupcake; thank you. You wanna come in?” Laura nodded as Carmilla let her in. 

The apartment was very Carmilla a lot of dark tones, punk rock posters, and a couple pieces of canvas art. While it wasn’t outwardly messy one could tell if you moved something the place would fall into disorganization. 

Carmilla had mac and cheese for dinner. The pair ate on the couch while talking about everything and nothing. 

“Laura how have you never been to Prowl? It’s the best gay bar in the city!” Carmilla said.

“I don’t really go out; I’m not much for the boom, boom, thunk, thunk, kinda dancing and moving. Plus all those people.” Laura said with a giggle.

“Well what are you doing Saturday? It’s dyke night.” 

“Um...I have to go to the movies and the diner with my friends. We’re normally done by like 6:30-7. I can’t miss it; will that be too late? Would I miss it it?” Carmilla giggled and stroked Laura’s knee.

“Creampuff, the club doesn’t even open till 10 and doesn’t get fun till like 11:30.” 

“Carm that is insanely late! I’m always in bed by 11.” Carmilla smiled giving Laura’s knee a squeeze. 

“Well let’s go at 10 and if you aren’t having fun by 10:30 or so I’ll take you home. Deal?”

“Deal!” 

When they finished eating Carmilla took the used plates and washed them before returning to Laura.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Carmilla asked. 

“Sure! Will it bug your roommate?”

“No he has a gig and won’t be home until very late.” Carmilla replied taking Laura’s hand. Laura felt her heart rate triple and her breathing sped up. LaF was right this is a sex thing a voice screamed in her head. 

“You okay cutie?” Carmilla said gently push some of Laura’s hair behind her ear. 

“Yeah, yes, perfect...um...let’s pick a movie.” The pair turn to better face the TV. 

They went with some boring and cliche sitcom. Laura tried with all her might to focus on the movie not Carmilla’s arm, not that her head was resting on Carmilla’s chest, and not that she was very much cuddling with someone she’s known for less then week. It was a lot of touching; not bad touching, in all honesty it felt very nice, but this was a very new position for Laura. Girl the hell up she kept telling herself. It’s just sex and who’s a 24 year old virgin anyways. 

The scene on the screen saw the male and female leads in a position much like the one she was sharing with Carmilla. The male leader kisses the female one with a sweet passion. She felt Carmilla her shift and Laura looked up; their eyes meet. 

“Could I kiss you?” Laura’s mouth went dry and she licked her lips a bit; she nodded. Carmilla leaned down and Laura met her halfway. This kiss was very different from one after her first date; there was some kind of heat behind it. Carmilla napped and licked at her bottom lip ask for permission to deepen the kiss. Laura opened her mouth and then their tongues were dueling. Laura out a small moan causing Carmilla to smirk into their kiss. The kiss felt so lovely that she could easily ignore internal warnings about mouths being full of germs and not being ready for anything sexual.

Before she realized what was happening Carmilla was laying on top of Laura; the pair was making out like teenagers. Or how Laura thought teenagers made out. It was exciting and fun but also overwhelming. Laura’s anxiety was mounting and the kissing stopped being fun. Laura suddenly pulls back and Carmilla sits back looking concerned.

“You okay cupcake?” She asked. Laura sat up on her elbows.

“I’m a virgin.” Laura blurts out. 

“What?” Carmilla asked untangling herself from Laura which just made her feel worse. 

“I know it’s weird and I’m an adult; and it’s not normal to be a virgin in your mid-twenties and that’s it’s also not a bad thing to be a virgin because the whole concept of virginity is socially constructed and anti-women. I’m sorry it’s just sex stuff freaks and kinda grosses me out even though it’d seems fun but…” Laura trailed off as Carmilla started to giggle. Laura felt small and horrible. Carmilla, like so many other people, was making fun of her. Then the waterworks began and Laura hated herself for crying. She closed her eyes trying to get herself to stop crying when she felt someone wiping her face with the thrown blanket on the couch. Carmilla wasn’t laughing anymore.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. Don’t cry there’s nothing wrong with being inexperienced.” Carmilla said gently. Then Laura felt angry, she jerked away from Carmilla’s touch.

“I’m not upset about being...well...I’m upset because you’re laughing at me. You’re just like everyone else. I don’t know why I thought you were different.” Laura got up and moved for the door but Carmilla blocked her path.

“No Laura; I wasn’t laughing at you. I’m sorry J.P. doesn’t a whole stand up bit about how sex is gross, if you really think about it, but it feels wonderful. You just reminded me of it. I’d never laugh at you; I mean I’ve only been with a few people and that sex is important. I’m sorry to make you feel insecure. I really want you to feel safe with me. I really like you.” Laura hadn’t be able to make eye contact the whole time Carmilla spoke. She felt Carmilla was being honest but the voices in her kept saying she could be nothing but a joke to someone as perfect as Carmilla. 

“Hey,” Carmilla lightly touch Laura’s hand but doesn’t move to take it. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m so sorry.” Laura finally made eye contact and Carmilla gave her a small, soft smile. 

“I understand; I still think I should go home.” She said. 

“I can walk you if you want.” Carmilla offered.

“No, I’m okay. I’ll text you when I get home.” Laura moved past Carmilla and she was about to leave when she turned about and gave Carmilla a hug goodbye with a kiss on her cheek. Laura opened the door.

“Still on for tomorrow?” Carmilla asked.

“Okay, sure. Message me the details.” Laura started home trying to keep the doubts out her head.


	6. Da Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: panic attack
> 
> Y'all give me the warm fuzzies with all the kind feedback <3

“I don’t like her.” Perry declared after Laura recounted the events of the night before while having dinner. “It isn’t nice to laugh at people’s anxiety especially if you trusted her enough to tell her in the first place.” Perry continued. 

“Oh I don’t know.” LaF added, “I think she maybe saw some kind of irony with her roommate’s joke and Laura’s experience. I don’t think she was making fun of you; I mean she’s been really nice before and after. I don’t think one inappropriate giggle fit should end what could be something special.” Perry gave LaF a concerned look. 

“Well I think you shouldn’t go out tonight. Give yourself some more cool down time. Plus you’ll stick to your normal routine which can help you remain relaxed.” Perry commented.

Laura considered this.

“Well, we’re hanging out tonight. She’s taking me to the gay bar, Prowl.” Laura said looking only at her waffles, she wasn’t sure why she felt embarrassed. 

“Laura clubs aren’t safe!” Perry said sounding very concerned; panic in her eyes.

“It’s okay Perr; I’ve been a couple times it’s a pretty safe space especially on girls’ night.” LaF said rubbing the small of Perry’s back.

“If I’m not having fun by 10:30 Carmilla said she’d take me home. No pressure. If it isn’t fun I’ll be home to go to sleep at my normal time.” Laura said pushing some waffle bits around the plate.

“We’ll stay up late in case you need us.” Perry declare. A smile graced Laura’s lips at her friend’s protective nature.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura waited for Carmilla outside of her building. She was wearing a blue button up and jean shorts; she didn’t own any club clothes hopefully she wouldn’t look too out of place. 

“Hey creampuff.” Laura turned to see Carmilla and her jaw nearly hit the floor. Carmilla was wearing a black crop top that showed off her a good amount of skin with matching black skirt and thigh high socks. She had a splash of color from a floral snapback that she wore backwards.

“Hey, you look...wow.”

“You flatter me.” Carmilla offered Laura her hand which Laura took as they headed to the club. They were mostly quiet as the pair walked until Carmilla spoke.

“So are we okay? I know last night I wasn’t the best…” It felt like an apology but without so many words. 

“It’s okay I get too excited which meant I got rambly and a little emotional.” Laura said lightly squeezing Carmilla hand. 

“Cutie this isn’t on you. I write jokes with J.P. sometimes and I still hadn’t gotten over the giggles. I feel really awful.” 

“Let’s just forgot about it.” Laura mumbled.

“I just want you to feel comfortable with me.” Carmilla stops tugging on Laura’s hand; she makes shaky eye contact with Carmilla. “I’ve really had a good time getting to know you this week.” 

“Me too.” Carmilla moved closer to Laura pushing some of her hair back and tucking it behind her ear. 

“We’re a block from the club but we can always go back; just watch TV.” Carmilla offered. Laura shook her head.

“No, I’m excited. LaF said it was a cool place.” Carmilla nodded and starting to lead Laura the last block to the club.

There wasn’t any line; the club had barely opened when they got there. The bouncer nodded at Carmilla. The club had a handful of other people chatting in different pockets of the building. The music was insanely loud, Laura felt frozen by the volume.

“Cutie, you want a drink?” Laura tried to find her words but the noise overwhelmed nearly all her senses. 

“Laura…” Then Laura was curled on the ground hands over her ears. 

“Laura what’s wrong?” She felt gentle hands on her back.

“...music…” Laura choked out. 

“Yo SJ turn that shit down.” Carmilla shouted in the direction of the bar. The volume dropped dramatically and Laura felt herself calm down. Carmilla helped her up. 

“You want to go to the restroom or outside?”

“The restroom is fine.” Carmilla lead her to the restroom and into the larger handicap stall. Laura sits on the toilet and Carmilla knelt down next to her; lightly rubbing her arm. 

“Hey, Laura. It’s alright, you’re okay.” Laura felt beyond embarrassed. 

“I’m so sorry Carm. I know it’s dumb to get overwhelmed by music and I’ve embarrassed you.” Laura was biting back tears.

“Come on creampuff; what do you take me for? You didn’t embarrass me; even if you had I’ve embarrassed myself way worst in this very bathroom stall which is nothing on the dumb things I’ve done in the club proper. You’ve never been to a club before you had no idea how loud the music would be so you couldn’t prep yourself. Are you feeling better? Do you want to go home? I don’t mind if you bail early.” Laura considered for a few seconds while Carmilla’s hand rested on her knee.

“No, I’ll be ok in a few minutes I wanna dance with you. I just need a beat.” 

“In that case…” Carmilla dropped to the floor sitting cross legged on the ground “kneeling like that was killing me.” Laura giggled and slipped onto the floor. The pair adjusted themselves so they were leaning against the wall, holding hands, and chatting. They said like that for a while until there was a line forming and there was a few angry knocks on the stall door. 

Carmilla helped her up and pulled her onto the dance floor. It seemed as though SJ, Carmilla’s bartender friend, had kept the volume lower than when they first arrived. The music was some pop number and Carmilla would twirl her. They intentional danced poorly for a couple songs just having a good time. After a few songs a slow number came on and Carmilla pulled Laura into her, they were chest to chest when Laura lean in and then they were kissing in the middle of the dance floor. It was very public but Laura didn’t care for once; it just felt so perfect. 

The beat changed and Laura wanted to yell at the DJ when Carmilla pulled back to change the rhythm of their movement but Carmilla shoot her a wicked look. She lean in and napped at Laura’s lips before turning around and pressing her back into Laura’s body. She started to grind onto Laura with the beat. Laura stood there not sure what to do especially with her hands. Carmilla reach behind grabbing Laura’s hands and placing them on her hips. This was a lot of touching for Laura but in all the right ways. 

Carmilla hips and ass moved grinded into Laura’s pelvis. Laura felt flushed and more turned on then she had in her whole life. Laura felt brave and she leaned forward to kiss and suck on Carmilla’s neck; Carmilla reach one of her hands up and tangles it in Laura’s hair pulling her even closer. Laura pulled Carmilla’s hips closer to hers. Laura wanted to live in this movement forever; she was dancing with a beautiful girl while sucking at her neck. Carmilla turned pulled Laura’s hair a bit before attaching their lips; tongues dueled as a heat between them mounted. 

Then Laura began all too aware of all the bodies around her and eyes on her. She felt very much on display. She pulled back and looked into Carmilla’s eyes, her pupils were dilated she had enjoy the dancing sessions as well. 

“Can we leave?” She yelled,

“No problem.” Carmilla said taking her hand and leading her out of the club.


	7. Definitions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic Attack
> 
> It's a bit of a time jump. In all honesty I don't love my writing in this chapter; I'm not a master at vocalizing/writing about what a panic attack feels but I try. 
> 
> I promise all the overly emotional angst-ish stuff is coming to an end soonish.
> 
> I also promise to respond to everyone's lovely comments.
> 
> Tumblr: http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

Laura woke up late one Sunday morning and thought back over the past few weeks. It had been a month since Carmilla had first taken her to the club. They had gone back a couple times and their dancing always got rather heated. Then Carmilla would take her home and give her a good night before heading home with wave. 

The texted each other endlessly, got lunch a few times a week, and were physically affectionate with each other yet; Laura didn’t know what they were and they hadn’t slept together yet. Laura wanted to better define their relationship and get a little more sexual. Their make out sessions often left Laura wanting more. When the pair had parted ways the night before Laura thought she was going to explode. She finally understood the need for a cold shower. 

Laura wanted Carmilla to be her girlfriend and have all the perks attached to that relationship status. It was strange; when Laura was with Carmilla it seemed as though her compulsions and anxieties would fade away. She felt normal which is all she ever wanted. But once they separated all the fears came crawling back. 

Laura decided that she was going to take the next; she was going to invited Carmilla over for dinner and talk. She prayed that by the end of her chicken pot pie she’d have her first girlfriend in years. Laura texted Carmilla about her plans.

Laura: Hey Carm! Wanna come over tonight? I’ll make dinner and I wanna talk?

Carm <3: Nothing too serious I hope? ;P

Laura: Just wanted to chat over my world famous chicken pot pie.

Carm <3: I’ll stop by that bakery and pick up those cookies you like on my way over.

Laura: 6 okay?

Carm <3: See you then cupcake!

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura rushed around trying to air out her apartment as smoke billowed out of her oven. The fire alarm was blaring which added to Laura’s panic. She knew there was no risk of her apartment catching because she had turned the oven off and pour water over the now blackened pie. Soon after the alarm stopped ringing. The remaining smoke burned her eyes which unleashed the flood gate of tears she had been holding back.The smoke, the noise, and the meal she had ruined lead to a wave of panic overtaking her. Laura senses went into overdrive. Laura curled on the ground, out of the line of smoke, with her knee pressed to her chest. 

Carmilla was going to be there at any moment and she would find a crying Laura in a semi-smoked filled room. This was no way to start a discussion about their relationship. Laura knew the best thing to do was to get herself up open all the windows not just the kitchen one and try to act normal. She wished she hadn’t been distracted by her makeup which was now ruined by her crying. The world was totally overwhelming Laura she wondered if she’d ever be able to get off the floor. She felt herself fade into the dark place in her mind. She didn’t know how long she was curled crying; it felt like hours, it felt forever.

As if from a different world she heard someone calling her name, she heard her door open, and footsteps nearing the kitchen. Laura kept her eyes closed and her head tucked into her knees. She could heard someone move around the kitchen trying to disrupted the remaining smoke and air out the room. Laura felt the air directly to her right move and a gentle reaching over the rub the small of her back.

“Laura, hey Laura. Everything is fine, I’m right here; it’s me Carm,” Laura felt a herself let out a sob. The hand from her back vanished and Laura longed for the contact to return. She was reassured when she felt Carmilla shift so she could basically spoon Laura from behind while putting her arms around Laura’s curled form. The pressure of her arms relaxed Laura; her body slowly went limp in Carmilla’s arms. She extended her legs and opened her eyes but didn’t turn around. She couldn’t face this perfect woman after she had witnessed Laura at her worst. This was nothing compared to the few moments of sensor overwhelmment at the club. 

“You feel like you could get up?” Carmilla whispered in Laura ear. Laura pulled herself up; still unable to look at Carmilla. She knew her face must be a mess; she took the dish cloth from beside the sink and wiped her face. She saw Carmilla move closer out of the side of her eye. Carmilla reach out to push some hair out of Laura’s face but Laura jerks away before she can make contact. 

“You really scared me there Cupcake.” Laura wanted to shut down and make this movement end.

“You should go home; I need to clean up.” Laura choked out.

“I should be with you,” Laura finally looked up and made eye contact with Carmilla. She wish she didn’t; the mixture of fear, concern, and affection in Carmilla’s eyes killed her. She felt beyond humiliated; this night was going to be special she wanted Carmilla to see her at her best instead of her worst. 

“No, you shouldn’t,” Laura said holding back fresh tear. “You’re a neuro-typical, so gorgeous, funny, wonderful and I’m...I’m just a freak.”

“Laura,” Carmilla said slowly “don’t you dare talk like that. Laura you don’t even realize how amazing you are. You’re so smart, caring, and have a crazy sense of justice. All the quirks and the numbers don’t bother me, even if they did you are so much more than a diagnosis.” 

Laura was very uncomfortable with being complemented even though the world seemed less likely to fold in on top of her as Carmilla spoke.

“I’m sorry about the pie; I don’t have a back up.” Laura mumble.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard of this thing called the internet.” Carmilla said with a playful twinkle in her eyes. “It connects you with all sorts of restaurants, you order it, and someone will bring it right to your door.” 

“I’m always happy with pizza.” Laura said finally smiling. 

“Sounds good; wouldn’t want to have my girlfriend burnt to a crisp.” Carmilla add winking at Laura.

“Girlfriend?” Laura knew her voice was small and hopefully. Carmilla blushed; Laura didn’t think the other girl was capable of embarrassment. 

“Sorry, I know we haven’t talk about labels or what ‘we’ are but I’m not seeing anyone else and I don’t know if you are…” 

“I’m not.” Laura said cutting her off.

“I’d like you be my girlfriend; if that’s okay.” Carmilla asked nervously.

“I’d like that very much.” Laura said. The smile Carmilla gave her made Laura feel more grounded then she had in a very long time.


	8. Introductions Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead fair warning. It's my last night in my homophobic dad's house so I felt inspired. 
> 
> Tumblr: http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

One month. Laura Hollis mental illness queen had been in an official relationship for one whole month. She felt so normal. Carmilla was so kind and gentle with Laura but still treated her like a normal person. Laura had never felt so average.

But she was concerned for the upcoming weekend. Carmilla was going to meet Laura’s friends LaF and Perry on Saturday and on Sunday she was accompanying Carmilla to one of J.P. stand up shows. 

Perry had been very against the idea when Laura had brought it up at last week’s movie night. Laura recalled the past week’s events. 

“If she sits next to you then you can’t hear LaF’s jokes and that’s an important part of our tradition.” Perry said emphatically. 

“Perr, I can just whisper their jokes to Carm if she can’t hear them. I really want you to meet her. I think we could be something very real and long term.” Perry considered Laura’s words then glanced at LaF who nodded with a small smile. 

“Well I guess if she really means that much to you.” 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Laura pulled herself away from Carmilla’s lips resulting in a disapproving moan from her girlfriend. Laura get up from the couch where she and Carmilla had been making out like teenagers to check the time.

“We have to go in 7 minutes so we aren’t late!” Laura said making her way to the bathroom to ensure her lipstick wasn’t messed up.

“Nooooo, come back and give me those sweet, sweet lady kisses.” Carmilla called from the living room. Laura couldn’t help but smile.

She started to reapply her lipstick when she heard Carmilla make her way to the bathroom then she was kissing her neck.

“Carm,” Laura said warningly.

“What? We... still... have... 6... minutes…” she spaced out each word with kisses that move up Laura’s neck so the last one landed behind her ear. 

“It’s better to be early; I really want my friends to like you.’

“Mhmmmmm” Carmilla groaned as she kept teasing Laura’s ear. 

“Carm!” Laura playfully pushes Carmilla away.

“You’re killing me Hollis!” Laura blushed.

“Well I was thinking that after the movie and dinner we could skip the club and you could sleep over?” Laura tried her best at looking seductive but her words came out more timid. Over the past month since becoming official they had done a lot but they pair had yet to sleep together, in the biblical sense. Carmilla searched Laura’s eyes trying to find her meaning.

“If you want to, I’m more then happy to stay over.” Carmilla said slowly giving Laura the seduction eyes that made Laura feel flushed. Carmilla had a hungry look on her face that made her want to jump on her right then but the four minutes remain before they had to get in was not enough time for all the things Laura wanted to do to Carmilla.

“We should go; early bird gets Perry’s approval.” Laura joked. 

“I’m ready if you are.” Carmilla smirked. 

Laura blushed and walked passed Carmilla to exit the bathroom feeling her eyes on her the whole time. Carmilla followed her closely as they made their way to Laura’s car to pick up LaF and Perry. For the whole ride Carmilla’s hand never left her thigh. Laura keep thinking about how nice and vergely protective her hand felt and marveling at how easy she could ignore the thoughts of germy hands as they reached their destination. 

LaF opened the doors for Perry behind the passenger seat; the only change in the routine is they moved to the other side of the car and got in behind the driver’s seat instead of being upfront. Perry is clearly trying to not get upset about even this minor change. 

“There is a 3:30 Paper Towns at the Regal,” ever since the incident at the Carmike they had switch theatres. “Evens and fives.” 

“Perfect!” Laura said. “So this is Carmilla.” Carmilla took her hand off Laura’s thigh to give her friends a wave. LaF offered Carmilla their hand.

“It’s great to meet you!” They said giving Carmilla’s hand a few pumps. “Right, Perr?” Perry nodded giving Carmilla quite the side eye clearing sizing her up. Carmilla had the sense of mind not to shake Perry’s hand. 

“Introduction done; everyone buckle up!” With that Laura shifted into gear.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“I love the character of Margo but the movie fell flat compared to the book.” Laura said cutting into her waffles. The movie had gone really well, she got to snuggle up with her nice warm girlfriend but still hear and laugh at LaFontaine’s running commentary.

“Oh come on, Margo’s all mystery. She’s interesting because you don’t know anything about her. It’s all chase and fantasy; no honesty with a Margo.” LaF responded. 

“But I’m sure we can all agree Cara Delevingne’s eyebrows are on fleek.” Carmilla said causing a giggle in the rest of the group. “I’m going to run to the restroom.” She added sliding out of the booth and headed toward the bathroom. Once she seemed out of ear shoot.

“So...thoughts?” Laura asked nervously. 

“She has that air of mystery you seem to like.” LaF said with a wink. 

“Perr?” Laura glanced at her curly haired friend. Perry considered for a moment.

“She’s very...aloof but she seems to really like you; more importantly you really like her so I do too.” Laura smiled at Perry’s very considerate words. It took a lot for Perry to trust someone; and even of Perry didn’t trust Carmilla she trusted Laura.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura tried to unlock her apartment door which was normally a very easy task but, normally, she didn’t have her very sexy girlfriend wrapping her arms around her waist while sucking on her neck. The delicious pressure of Carmilla’s body made turning a key nearly impossible. 

Finally Laura got the key to click. The couple stumble a bit as the door opened but the momentary awkwardness was soon forgotten as Laura turned and pressed Carmilla up against the door; kissing her hard. Their tongues dueled for dominance for a few moments but Carmilla let Laura take control of kiss. For all of Carmilla’s tough attitude she almost always let Laura be in control behind closed doors. Carmilla broke the kiss and Laura move to kiss her jawline and neck.

“So your friends like me?” Carmilla asked breathlessly. Laura pulled back giving Carmilla a confused face.

“Yeah but are we really going to talk about it now?” 

“Well I wanted to make sure I made a good impression and distract you long enough we can move to the bedroom.” Laura grinned and pulled Carmilla towards her room. As they went Laura managed to push Carmilla’s leather jacket off and started to unbutton her shirt. But before Laura could finish opening up Carmilla’s shirt her legs hit the bed forcing her to sit. Carmilla straddle her lap and finished unbuttoning her own shirt. She removed her shirt and Laura’s jaw nearly hit the floor taking in Carmilla perfectly tone, pale torso and her very lacy, very see through bra. 

Carmilla smirked before pushing Laura onto the bed. Before laying on top of Laura she tugged at her shirt. Laura nodded giving her permission to remove her shirt. Carmilla pushed Laura’s shirt up and off as she put her full body weight onto of Laura kissing her deeply. Their legs tangled and Carmilla pressed her knee into Laura’s clothed center. She moaned in Carmilla’s mouth. 

Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s back trying to find her bra clasp. It took her a couple of tries to open the clasp and freed Carmilla’s breast. Laura flipped Carmilla and took one of Carmilla’s perked nipples in her mouth while rolling the other in between her fingers. Carmilla arched and moans under Laura’s touch. Laura was surprised that she wasn’t awkward and timid; she felt natural and empowered hearing the soft moans that she was producing in Carmilla as she worked on her breast. 

Laura felt Carmilla’s hands move to open and unzip Laura and her own pants. Laura started to move down Carmilla’s body placing open mouth kisses until she reached the waistline of her leather pants. Laura pulled Carmilla’s pants and her underwear down in one movement. She settled between Carmilla’s legs and took in the site of her, now, lover’s wet sex. Laura leaned forward and glanced up at Carmilla making eye contact; she nodded. Laura grabbed Carmilla’s hips, holding them down, before slowly licking up the length of Carmilla’s sex. 

Laura was taken aback by home much she like the taste; it was both sweet, musky, and very Camilla. Laura dived in moving her tongue up and down; taking in this perfect moment. Laura felt Carmilla’s hand tangle in her hair; softly pulling her up to the stiff bud of her clit. Laura took it in between her lips and sucked hard. She was rewarded with a loud moan of her name from Carmilla. Laura felt the muscle of Carmilla’s stomach tighten.

“Mhmmm, Laura. LAURA...yes...fingers...fingers please.” Carmilla groaned. Laura smiled that even with her inexperience she was producing this reaction from Carmilla. Laura slipped a finger into Carmilla’s warm core. She could feel the muscles of Carmilla’s walls tighten around her finger; Laura knew she must be close. Laura added another finger and curled them inside of Carmilla causing a high pitched sound. She arched off the bed as Laura felt a flood of new arousal. Carmilla relaxed on the bed breathing heavily. Laura moved up and kissed Carmilla lightly.

“Cupcake you’re really good at that.” Carmilla smiled leaning up to capture Laura’s lips again; reveling in the taste of herself on Laura’s lips. 

“Now,” Carmilla said flipping Laura over. “one of us is very naked and the other is all too covered up.”


	9. Introductions Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of addictions
> 
> Oh look the plot is here! Also I got a little comedy nerd all over this chapter.

When Laura woke up the next morning her bed was very crowded. Normally, it was just her and maybe one of her two emotional support cats but today there was a very naked Carmilla asleep on her stomach with the smaller cat, Crunch, curled on her back with Captain, the other cat, resting by her mess of black hair. While Laura was happy her friends liked Carmilla but her cats approval was key for the relationship to continue. 

Laura adjusted herself so she could gently kiss Carmilla. Morning breathe aside watching Carmilla jerk awake at the contact was adorable; what was even better was Carmilla shaking herself awake and pressing a not so gentle kiss on Laura’s lips. Her movements disturbed the cats who shot the smitten couple dirty looks before they hopped off the bed.

“Now cutie, as much as I like kissing you it’s so early on a Sunday; isn’t this the day of rest?” Carmilla droned sarcastically causing Laura to giggle.

“Isn’t Karnstein a Jewish name? Saturdays are your day of rest.” Laura retorted tangling her fingers in Carmilla’s hair.

“I had a Jewish grandfather; but no one, Jew or goy, should be up before 11 on a Sunday…” Carmilla reached for her phone on the bedside table behind Laura, causing a lot more skin to skin contact. “and it’s only 8, barely 8. Christ cupcake we should be in dream world.” 

“Having you in my bed is like a dream.” Laura said leaning in connecting their bodies more.

“Very smooth Hollis.” Carmilla pulled Laura’s face in for a deep kiss before getting out of bed, stretching like a cat. Laura took in Carmilla’s perfect form.

“Where are you going?” Laura said moving to the edge of the bed.

“I had a bit of a workout last night; figured I’d take shower. Care to join me?” Carmilla ask. There was no way Laura could refuse the angel like woman in front of her.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So what’s the deal with the show?” Laura asked as Carmilla pulled out a chair for her. They reached the club pretty early; Laura was excited to finally meet J.P. but he was no where to be found. 

“So it’s called a bringer show; J.P. has X amount of friends come, buy tickets, and he gets to perform. In the audience there are agents, bookers, and what not. It’s kinda a scam but if the big wigs like him it’ll be great for her career.” Carmilla said taking her seat across from Laura. A waitress approached them. 

“Hello girls! There is a two drink minimum for tonight’s show. What can I get for you?” She asked. 

“vodka cranberry.” Laura answered cheerfully “and a…wait I don’t know your drink order Carm” Carmilla smiled at her. 

“That’s cause I don’t really have one.” She answered “Just a ginger ale for me.” The waitress nodded; leaving to get their drinks. Laura hadn’t realized until that moment that she had never seen Carmilla drink. She wasn’t much of drinker just a cocktail while she was out but she had literally never seen her take a drink. Laura was about to ask her about that when Carmilla started talking.

“I really hope it goes well. J.P. has been so nervous; I don’t think he’s slept in days.”

“That can’t be good for his performance.” Laura said; her question slipping from her mind. 

“No but he has been reciting his set to himself endlessly. It’s going to be one of the most important seven minutes of his life.” Laura was glad she didn’t have the entertainer bug. Number time limits which always weight on her. Although she wouldn’t mind being an on camera anchor.

The waitress came back placed their drinks on the table. Laura barely noticed. She was just enjoying chatting with a girl she could feel herself starting to fall in love with. She played with Carmilla’s hand. Even in public Laura felt so safe with Carmilla it was like her OCD and anti-social qualities had never existed. With Carmilla she wasn’t special ed, weird, head case Laura Hollis she just Laura; a whole person. Even after just the two months of knowing her Laura could tell Carmilla was going to play a role in her life forever. 

A well dressed man made his way to their table. For someone in his early 20s his dress was rather formal and old fashioned. Carmilla broke into a smile as he reached the table. 

“Hey Jeep! You excited for the show.” She asked him. The man, whom Laura assumed was J.P. slumped into the chair. 

“This is an utter disaster. I am not prepared for this. I should have waited a few more months to really nail down a perfect set.” J.P. moaned. He then seemed to notice Laura.

“You must be Miss. Hollis. It’s charming to meet you. Carmilla isn’t one for words but she does seem to use a lot of them to discuss you.” Laura blushed; glancing at Carmilla who was giving her an adoring look she found addicting. 

“It’s good to meet you too J.P. I can’t wait to see your set!” Laura said excitedly. 

“It’s truly awful; I just changed it after talking to the older comics. It is wildly under rehearsed. Do try to laugh a little; even if is at me and not my witticisms.” 

“Jeep, cut the dramatics. You’re much funnier and more interesting than all those straight white neurotypical dudes. In all honesty, most comedy clubs may as well be a republican convention.” Carmilla counseled.

“Well Carmilla; you’d think after rooming together for nearly 2 years you’d noticed my white dude-ness.” Carmilla rolls her eyes. 

“At the end of the day you’re different than an average comic and that makes you interesting.”

“As much I enjoy your pep talks and would like to get to know Miss. Hollis more; I must get to the green room. I’m 4th in the line up so look out for me!” J.P. got up. “Oh Miss. Hollis I do hope you consider stopping by my group, we’re always in need of members to build a real community.” And with that J.P. headed off. 

“He seems really on edge. Do you think he’ll be okay to perform?” Laura asked.

“Oh yeah, he’s a trooper. Once he hits the mic he’ll relax.”

Laura and Carmilla fell back into the comfortable chit chat. The waitress came back and refreshed their drinks. All too soon the lights dimmed and the host took the stage. The host went over the rules of the club, phones on silent, no talking, no heckling, etc. She was excited. Laura had never been to a proper comedy club. She had seen a couple big name comics with LaF but those were at huge theatres. It felt very authentic being in a small dark room with only a stage and mic. 

The first comic was a very traditional attractive man who did really boring jokes. Laura felt like she had heard them before. He did some crowd work and tried to hit on Carm but she waved him off with retorts about her intense lesbianism. He wasn’t bad but he wasn’t good either. The next comic started off by saying it was too easy to pick up most women so now he only hit on black lesbians. The bit didn’t make sense and wasn’t funny. It totally devalued queer women’s identities for a poor punch line. The third comic was a woman. She was pretty good; felt a lot like an Amy Schumer type but she was really sex negative. Then, finally, J.P. was called onto the stage. 

There was a long pause between when he took the stage and started talking. But once he did the crowd seemed to really respond. The trademark mangerism of aspergers and OCD seemed to help J.P. create a real on stage present. Laura couldn’t stop giggling. He’s was making jokes about the same topics as the other comics, like sex, disabilities, politics, and more, but he did it in an empowering way. He took on real touchy topics and made it funny without leaving a bad taste in anyone’s month.

The room seemed to really respond to J.P. unique world view. He wasn’t getting groans like the other comics. Laura was really happy that he was killing it and people like his material even though he was a non-traditional comic. 

“I really love doing these bringer shows; I’m always shocked to find out I have five friends willing to paid 15 dollars to see me talk for a seven minutes when they can normally hear me talk for seven hours straight except here they aren’t allowed to talk and in the day to day I just refuse to let them get a word in edgewise.” The laughter keeps building. “My roommate is here tonight.” Laura claps really hard grinning at Carmilla. 

“She’s a crazy cat; we’re both never seem to leave the apartment. Me because the outside world scares me; her because she’s a recovering drug addict so she’s boring now.” 

Laura doesn’t laugh. The smile fell from her face. Her eyes dart to Carmilla whom had gone stiff and for the first time that night wasn’t looking at her.


	10. Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of suicide, physical abuse, and drug abuse. Anxiety
> 
> An update at midnight and 6 am? I am the master I'm sleep problems. Anyways here's the back story.

As soon as the comedy show ended Laura headed for the door. She didn’t wait for Carmilla; she couldn’t look at her. Carmilla was in recovery? Why hadn’t she told her? I’ve been so honest with her! Laura’s thought were moving rapidly, too rapidly. Before she realized it she was outside of the club and down the block. She stopped to catch her breathe and try to slow her beating heart. It seemed as though she had beaten Carmilla out of the club and was alone; well as alone as one can be on a public street. 

Laura wanted to sit and count but there didn’t seem to be a bench on the street. The gross, dirty, city curve would have to do. Laura sat trying to make herself as small as possible. She didn’t want to shut down or get lost in the darkness but she was struggling to process what had happened. Carmilla had a drug problem. If she was in recovery, a fact didn’t really matter to Laura, what really hurt was Carmilla hadn’t trusted her that information. She had been so honest with Carmilla; so real. Laura closed her eyes and started to rock to her count. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20.

She shouldn’t have run out of the club. That was wrong of her; she didn’t give Carmilla a chance to explain. 22, 24, 26, 28, 30, 32. Laura couldn’t decide if she was over reacting but she did know she had to get up and find Carmilla. She couldn’t run away from something this...real...without all the facts. Maybe J.P. was just being really creative with his jokes? 34, 36, 38, 40, 42, 44. Laura opened her eyes; she still feel uneasy but she was no longer in panic mood. Laura got herself up and brushed the dirt and gravel from her legs. Laura hoped she hadn’t been in freak out mood for long. Laura turn and nearly jumped out of her skin. 

Carmilla was leaning against the building that Laura had her back too. Carmilla looked...not herself. She seemed sheepish but angry at the same time. Laura hadn’t seen this expression grace Carmilla’s face.

“Hey.” Laura said.

“Hey.” Carmilla replied shifted a little against the wall.

“Any chance you have a secret roommate you’ve never mention?” Laura tried to joke but there was something off in her voice.

“Nope.” Carmilla push off the wall and moved closer to Laura. “Look Laura,” no pet name, that was troubling, “I don’t have the most cookie cutter past but I’ve got my life back on track and I haven’t used any kind of drug in 2 years, 2 years, 3 months, and 17 days to be exact.” There was so much pain on Carmilla’s face it broke Laura’s heart. “Drugs are a part of my past not my present. I’d like you to be part of that present but if you’re going to judge me or can’t handle it; I guess this is it.” Carmilla’s words hung in the air. 

“I’m not judging you. I mean what the fuck do you think of me!” Laura can’t remember the last time she’d cursed and Carmilla seems very taken aback by angrier in Laura’s voice. “Jesus, Carmilla; I’m upset and ran off because you didn’t tell me. I’ve told you everything about my issues and I had to find out your deep dark secret from the worst joke in your friend’s comedy routine. You accepted my flaws, my issues, why wouldn’t I accept yours!?” Laura felt hot tears starting to roll down her face. “I don’t know why I trusted you.” She finished in a much smaller voice. Carmilla moved closer and reached out her hand to Laura’s arm but she jerked back before Carmilla could make contact. “I really don’t want to be touched right now.” 

“Look Laura, I’m sorry. I’m not much of a sharer; it’s not something you bring up on a first date or in between make out sessions.” Carmilla crossed her arms clearly getting defensive. 

“I somehow managed to share with you.” Laura retorted.

“Well a drug addiction isn’t visible; your compulsions are!” Laura tears were falling fast and she hated herself for that. She wanted to be in control of herself; she wanted to get through this conflict in a positive way, and, most importantly, she wanted her relationship to last beyond the conversation. But Carmilla’s last comment was a low and very painful blow. 

“I thought you were better than this. Just because you can see the counting and panic and the trouble understanding emotional things doesn’t mean I didn’t share something with you. You’ve seen at my worst and you’ve never shown me the real you; scars and all.” Laura voice was strong even with the flowing tears. 

“So what do you want from me?” Carmilla sounded bitter.

“Honesty.” 

“Alright.”

“Really?” Laura asked; she was gaining control over her emotions and the tears slowed.

“Yeah, I really care about you and if you want honesty you’ll get it. Let’s go back to your place.” Laura took in Carmilla’s body language; it was much more open then just seconds before. 

“No, I don’t think I should have you over right now.”

“You want me to spill my guts here? On a random street just give you the whole tragic backstory?” Carmilla nearly growled.

“Well seeing as flashback isn’t an opinion.” Laura crossed her arms and stood her ground.

Carmilla moved back to the wall of building and sat down. “It’s a long story Cupcake; might as well sit.” She patted the ground next to her. Laura move cautiously but she did sit.

“My dad killed himself when I was 14; before that life wasn’t too horrible. I mean my dad was super depressed but her kept my mother under control. There wasn’t much love in the house but it was safe. Once he passed away there was no one around to curved my mother’s cruelty. She...um...was violent to put it lightly. There wasn’t anyone else who could help me. My older brother had enlisted so I was alone in that house with her.” Carmilla wasn’t looking at Laura she seemed to fixed on a point just beyond her shoes. 

“She found me kissing some girl in my room when I was 16 and thenI was on the street. Which was kinda better; no one was hurting me.” Laura wanted to reach out and confront her the way Carmilla had when she was in a bad way. “I bounced around from friends’ house to friends’ house but after a couple months I couldn’t find a place then I was a street kid.” Carmilla shifted still not looking at Laura. “I stopped going to school and couldn’t get a job without an address. So to survive I either had to sell myself or drugs. Drugs seemed like a safer choice.” Carmilla started pulling at the ripes in her jeans. 

“It mostly small stuff like pot; I mainly sold to my old classmates. The thing with drugs is it rarely stays small. I moved up the dealing chain and everything I was selling I tried myself. It was very Alex Vause only much, much sadder.” A single tear trailed down Carmilla’s face; this broke Laura’s resolve and she placed her hand over Carmilla’s. While Carmilla didn’t look at she did smile a little bit. 

“Before I knew it I was a pretty high level coke and MDMA dealer. I partied a lot; a little after my 18th birthday I met a girl. Her name was Ell; she was another dealer in the drug ring. I’m not sure if it was the drugs or my loneliness but I attached myself to her. Our lives became more about getting high then about dealing. We became real users. My life was all back getting as high as possible.” Tears stream down Carmilla’s voice but her voice never broke. Laura reached up to wipe a tear from her face. 

“Then one day, she was gone with no explanation. Word on the street was her parents found her and forced her into rehab but I was alone with a pricey coke habit. I got deeper and deeper into the drugs. I kinda got lucky because the first time I used heroin I OD’ed.” Laura tightened her grip on Carmilla’s hand. “Then I got a real surprise. When I woke up a woman named Matska Belmonde, Mattie, was there. Turns out I had an adoptive half sister from my dad’s first marriage. A marriage I was unaware of; much like my sister. She get me into and through a rehab; then took me. Helped me get my G.E.D. and into an art program. Sober me had a real life. Between then and now it was mainly getting better at my painting, moving into my place, and meeting you. Not too interesting until recently.” Carmilla finally glanced over Laura; a twinkle reaching her eyes. 

“So 2 years, 3 months, 17 days?” Laura asked, moving closer to Carmilla.

“Yup, now I get high on life but not too often, there are a lot of shows on netflix.” The sarcasm that normally laces Carmilla’s voice starts to return. 

“Thank you for sharing. It means a lot; I want you to trust me.” Laura said moving her hand to Carmilla’s knee.

“Oh Cupcake, I do trust you. I’m just not a fan of who I was. I wanna keep that me in the past and just be my honest sober self.” Carmilla turned herself more toward Laura. “Laura, I’m sorry about what I said earlier about you compulsions. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me and I was being cruel. I tend to lash out when backed into a corner.”

“Promise to be nicer during the next fight?” 

“Next fight? Not very optimistic are you?” Carmilla teased.

“Well I plan on you being on my life for a while; we’re bound to disagree on something.” Laura smile leaning closer.

“All that’s left is to kiss and makeup?”Carmilla said with a questioning lift of her eyebrows. 

“I think you’re right.” Carmilla closed the gap between them for a chaste kiss.


	11. Breakfast Sandwich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What to do when you have writer's block? Smut seems to be my answer.
> 
> Sorry for the slow updates. I started work this week and school next. :/
> 
> tumblr: http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

Laura woke with a bit of a start. She had practically inhale some of Carmilla’s hair after pulling her closer as she slept. Laura gentle pushed Carm’s hair so she wouldn’t wake her as she nuzzled her neck with a light kiss. She was so thankful that neither of them had gotten dressed after their late night activities. It wasn’t a sexual thing she just felt closeness to the raven haired girl. The wall that seemed to be between Laura and all other people was missing with Carmilla. They were connected.

Laura rolled her eyes internally. She felt like such a lesbian cliche. The paired had been dating for less than two months, and known each other for less then three, but Laura couldn’t imagine her life without Carmilla. This was a long term thing; Laura couldn’t normally read people but there was something in Carmilla’s eyes that tell her she felt the same way. Was this love? Laura considered. 

It had been three weeks since Carmilla had laid it all out on the table and the couple had rarely left each other’s present. Laura wrapped her arms tighter around Carmilla’s body causing her to mewl and shifted. It was the most perfect sound Laura had ever heard. Laura glanced over and saw the it was only 5:48 am. It was too early to wake Carm up for a little morning delight even for a morning person; Carmilla wasn’t a morning person and would be annoyed waking up before 1 in the afternoon. Still Laura was awake and couldn’t help placing light kisses on crook of her neck. 

They had shared so much with each other; and honesty seemed to be one of Laura’s new turn ons beside everything else about Carmilla. Laura settled down and traced patterns on her stomach; just enjoying the level of intimacy in her life. There was a physical, emotional, sexual elements that made Laura’s life feel so full. 

Carmilla shifted and Laura stilled her movements hoping she hadn’t woken her. Carmilla moved her arm to rub her eyes; breaking Laura’s hold on her. 

“Mournin’ cupcake.” Carmilla turned in Laura’s arm so they were facing each other so close that their nose brushed together. “now it’s not even 6 am yet here you are; planting kiss, touching me, and just being so darn cute. How can I stay asleep and get my full 12 hours? You’re too distracting.” 

“I don’t know you’re the one making those adorable sleeping sounds.” Laura replied closing the gap between their lips. Carmilla could tell that Laura was most definitely in a mood so their kiss became a heat make out session within seconds; Laura had never gotten the ‘horny teen’ cliche until she felt Carmilla tongue gentle push into her mouth.

Their tongues danced and it was perfection. Carmilla’s tongue massaged and swirled around Laura’s; she felt a rush of heat as Carmilla shifted to straddle her. She laid down pressing her full body weight on Laura. Carmilla moaned into the kiss before pulling back.

“Oh cupcake, you have no idea what you do to me.” Carmilla said before moving to suck on her neck. 

“I’m sure it’s nothing... compared to what you do... to me.” Laura said breathlessly as she tangled her hands in Carmilla’s hair. She could feel Carmilla smirk and she started nibbling at Laura neck before biting down. Laura knew it would leave a mark but the soothing swirl of Carmilla’s tongue made it all worth it. 

Carmilla moved down her chest causing Laura to pull her hair. Laura relaxed her grip and moved to untangle her finger. 

“Don’t,” Carmilla said look up from the valley between Laura’s breast. “I like it.” This sent heat straight to her core that intensified as Carmilla’s mouth engulfed her nipple while kneading her other breast. Laura arched off the bed.

Carmilla free hand creeped down to tease Laura’s inner thigh. Laura’s hips bucked.

“Carmmmm,” Laura moaned.

“If I’m awake at 6 am I’m going make it worth my while. This is gonna be nice and slow.” Carmilla said as her talented fingers finally reached Laura’s slit folds. She moved her fingers up and down with feather light touches; there needed to be more contact. Laura counted 10 ups and downs before Carmilla firmly pushed her thumb into Laura’s clit. Pleasure shot through Laura’s body but it wasn’t enough. She bucked her hips into Carmilla’s hands. Carmilla just smiled and moved to suckled at Laura’s other breast. 

“More...fingers...inside.” Carmilla disregarded Laura’s plead and removed her hand. “No.” Laura groaned in a small voice. Carmilla released her breast and looked into Laura’s eyes. 

“Don’t worry, cupcake. Good things come to those who wait.” Said with a wink before trailing her tongue down Laura’s tensed body. 

What felt like an eternity later Carmilla’s mouth closed around her clit sucking hard and pushing her three fingers. After such a slow build Carmilla’s actions introduced Laura to a new level of pleasure. Words escaped Laura as her eyes rolls and her body jerks up. Her hands tangle themselves back in Carmilla’s hard and pulled. Carmilla groan but it seemed more like a purr. The vibrations from her voice hit her clit and finally sent Laura over the edge. 

Carmilla kept her fingers inside Laura and her tongue pressed against her clit while Laura rode out her orgasm. 

When Laura came down from her high she looked down to see Carmilla resting on her stomach looking up at her with a big cat eyes; a small smile danced on her lips. 

“That was something else. I thought you’d shown me all your tricks; I mean you sleep here nearly every night.” Laura said twirling a lock of Carmilla’s hair.

“I hardly call that a trick more like a rewarding tease.” She crawl up Laura giving her a quick kiss. “While if I’m up this early might as well get some real breakfast. Wanna go to the bagel place?” 

“I thought you just had breakfast.” Laura said wiggling her eyebrows causing Carmilla to make a face.

“Ew; what are you 12?” Carmilla said before stealing another kiss.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Egg, cheese, sausage on honey wheat bagel.” Carmilla rattle off; Carmilla was wearing her ray bans with a gray beanie, a flowing tank top, and skinny jeans. Laura couldn’t take her eyes off her perfect form. Laura was so lost in Carmilla there was a took long pause and Carmilla squeezed her hand forcing Laura back to reality. 

“Egg and cheese on garlic.” Laura ordered hurriedly. 

“Laura, I hate garlic.” Carmilla said with a comical frown.

“Good thing it’s not your breakfast sandwich.” Laura replied as Carmilla lead her to a back table in the shop.

“Well it’s my tongue that has to be in your mouth.” Carmilla retorted dryly causing Laura to turn bright red. They sat and Carmilla took Laura’s hand across the table. “So this is what 8 am looks like. The morning does have a nice feel to it even if I’m about to fall asleep at the table.” 

“I know being an artist so limits your ability to have a normal person schedule.” Laura teased.

“Well it’s worth it if I get to see you.” Laura smiles. 

“Such a charmer.” It was then the counter worker brought their food over. Carmilla dug into her’s with a furry. It always made Laura laugh how Carmilla would attack her food. As Laura when to take a bit of her sandwich she noticed there was sausage on her’s as well. She dropped it back on the tray. 

“What’s wrong creampuff?” Carmilla asked though a mouthful of food. 

“They messed up my order. I hate breakfast meats; they’re so greasy and fatty and gross.” 

“I’ll flag down the counter dude.” Carmilla started to raise her hand.

“No, don’t. It’s okay. I can make something at home.” 

“Laura I dropped $4.72 to buy us breakfast. It better be perfect.” She said before she waved catching the attention of man who had brought them their food.

“Something I can help you with?” He asked.

“Yeah, her order is wrong. She didn’t want sausage.” Carmilla replied.

“Sorry about that. Just pull it off.” He answered. Carmilla glanced at Laura shaking her head. 

“I’m sorry, its just the meat had flavor that I hate and the grease will have been absorbed into bagel and egg. I really can’t stand the flavor. It’s basically contaminated; it’s not what I normally get and, I know it may seem odd, but I really need to stick to what I normally get. Could I just get another one.” Laura rambled nervously; hoping she didn’t sound like a crazy person.

“No, if you want another one you’ll have to pay for it.” Carmilla’s face soured at his cold words.

“Look man you should know some basic customer service. You messed up the order so whip up a new one.” Carmilla was cold but she registered Laura’s panicky eyes. “Please.”

“No can do sweetheart.” 

“I’m not your sweetheart dude.” Carmilla and the bagel man seemed to be in a bit of a stand off.

“Carmilla it isn’t worth it; let’s just go home.” Laura mutter; feeling very uncomfortable.

“Make the lady a new sandwich.” Carmilla said slowly.

“No, she got her order.” Carmilla was pissed and Laura could tell she was about to escalate the situation. Laura couldn’t handle any kind of conflict; especially one over a bagel.

“Look buddy! The lady...” Carmilla started but Laura cut her off.

“Carmilla let’s go.” Laura said standing up; Carmilla snapped out of her anger and she saw the discomfort on Laura’s face. Carmilla followed Laura out of the shop and to a bench down the stair. 

“Are you okay?” Carmilla asked gently taking her hand.

“Yes, I just hate fighting and making a scene. I mean it was just a breakfast sandwich.” Laura said biting her lip.

“But it was your sandwich. No one gets to mess with someone I love even if it’s over food.” Laura head jerk making eye contact as Carmilla realized what she had said. “I mean... you know…” Carmilla was cut off by a kiss. Laura pulled back smiling.

“So I’m someone you love.” 

“Too much for my own good cupcake.” 

“Good things the feelings mutual.” Laura replied before kissing Carmilla again more deeply.


	12. Friend Groups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow and weak-ish writing! My university just started back up, I had a ton of work, and I had to do my proposal for my senior thesis. Just been insanely busy and taking me away from my nerdsbian duty! In an ideal I'll be able to do another update this weekend but no promises. 
> 
> tumblr: http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

Laura wasn’t sure why she always felt so out of place in the waiting room of Dr. Samuels’ office. She’d been there once or twice a week since she was 18 she should be use to it. But even with the warm smile of the receptionist Laura hated the waiting room. The posters and flyers about OCD, depression, and a host of other illness covered the room. Laura almost longed for her childhood therapist office; there were toys and highlights magazines readily available but here there was just psychology today and tabloids. Laura settled on snapchatting funny faces to Carmilla while she waited. 

“Laura,” Dr. Samuels opened her door “You’re up!” Laura smiled and hurried from her seat in the waiting area. Laura took a seat in the big arm chair across from Dr. Samuels. 

“Alright Laura; so tell me how has your week been?” She asked with legal pad in hand.

“It’s been really good! I’ve still been counting things but other compulsion are under control.” Dr. Samuels nodded and wrote something down.

“How are things with your girlfriend? Carmilla?” 

“Wonderful!” Laura blushed. “She told me she loves me.”

“Did you said it back?” Laura nodded. “That’s fast only been two months right?”

“Yes, she’s really special. She’s just perfect. We match each other really well and she’s protective without being controlling.” Dr. Samuels flips through her notes. 

“That was an issue with your last partner?” 

“Yeah; I mean Danny is a really great person and I think I loved her for a second there but she was also trying to shelter me from the world and never let me take care of myself. I didn’t need another dad.” 

“It’s good you’re so independent; I know living with mental illness is very hard. It can be easy to just rely on someone else.”

“Yeah Carmilla has her own issues so she accepts mine. I worry it’s too good to be true cause she’s perfect and I’m me.”

“Laura, you’re a wonderful person and that’s what draws Carmilla to you.” Laura twitched a little. She was never good at taking compliments. 

“Anyways; I feel so normal and it’s really easy to relate to her. Normally I feel like there is a barrier between me and everyone else but with Carm it’s like I’m average, I barely even count around her.” Laura played with the edge of her dress. “Even when I panic she can reach me. The darkness that normally takes over my brain is easily combat by her.” Dr. Samuels nodded and wrote a few notes down.

“So how connect our your lives?” She asked looking up.

“What do you mean?” 

“Well,” Dr. Samuels started “when two people are in a serious relationship they start to intertwine their lives. Your friends become shared friends, you know each other’s schedule, and so on.” 

“She’s come to my movie night three times and I met her roommate J.P. briefly.” 

“This relationship sounds very serious. I think it will be worth it to try and merge your lives together a bit. Ensure you’re both compatible before making a life long plan.” Laura considered her words and nodded in agreement.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura sat in her car outside of her therapist office looking at her phone. She wanted get to know Carmilla’s friends and vice versa; especially if that meant entering into the next stage of their relationship. Laura decided to call LaF, they answered after two rings.

‘Hey L! What’s up?” They asked.

“I was wondering if you and Perr were free to get dinner or something with me and Carm? I want y’all to get know her better.” 

“Double date then?” This took Laura aback; could date apply to Perry and LaF. 

“Yeah!” Laura replied. “Are you and Perry dating?” There was a long pause.

“Yes, I mean we have been getting closer the past few months. We have...you...know...I don’t really even use my room anymore.” Laura was both shocked and very happy for them. She had knew LaF had unspoken feelings for Perry since like ever. “I mean when we were all coming out to each other I told you I was unsure of my feelings for Perr but I know now for sure; she’s my person and I’m her’s.” 

“That’s great LaF. Is it a secret? Should I act like I don’t know?” Laura heard LaF giggle though the phone.

“Nah, Perry and I aren’t hiding anything but we're not like ‘public’ mainly till she’s done with her trial. Plus you remember how awful Perr’s folks can be.” 

“Oh LaF you’re prefect for each other. Plus double dates will be fun!” 

“How’s Thursday night?” LaF asked.

“Tendive yes, let me double check with Carm.” 

“Well go check with your lady friend and confirm. If not I’ll see you on Saturday.” They answered cheerfully.

“Okay talk to you soon!” 

Laura hung up. Next she called Carmilla.

“Hey cupcake! How was your session?” Carmilla asked after picking up.

“It was fine; but I was wondering when is J.P.’s group? I figure I might as well go.” 

“It’s this afternoon at…” There’s a pause as Laura assumed Carmilla looked at the calendar. “2:45.” 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura entered the community center and looked around. She hadn’t ever gone to the center before; the gym would be covered in germs and none of the events interested Laura. But she wanted to get to know Carmilla’s friends more, well friend. Laura made her way to the front desk and grab a copy of the events guide. She quickly located the information about J.P.’s support group and headed to the listed room. She was fairly early but Laura figured it would give her more time to talk with J.P.

When Laura reached the she saw J.P. counting chairs that had been placed in a circle around the small meeting room. She greeted J.P. and moved deeper into the room.

“Mrs. Hollis what a lovely surprise!” J.P. said brightly, “I’ve been wondering when I’d see you again.” 

“Carm’s been trying to get me to come since I met her.” Laura answered awkwardly. “So figured I finally check it out.” J.P. seemed to shift. 

“Mrs. Hollis I did want to apologize for upsetting you at my show…” Laura flushed pink and cut him off. 

“No worries J.P.! Carmilla already told me she okay the joke for an earlier set. It makes sense that you thought it was kosher to use whenever. No harm done really.” 

There was a tension between them. Laura wasn’t mad at J.P. but she knew he felt hugely guilty over it. 

“Anyways, this is a perfect meeting to come too! There is a new psychologist at the center who’s going to be helping me run the meetings.” J.P. said.

“I didn’t realized how many services this placed offered.” J.P. nodded fiercely.

“It’s truly amazing! Most community centers are like a gym and a daycare but here there are a host of social programs that really help people. There are a couple of psychologists on staff, religious folk, and even a few beds for the homeless if there’s overflow from the shelter.” J.P. laughed at himself. “I must sound like a walking, talking ad for this place. I’ve been working here too long.” J.P. waved at someone behind Laura. “Here’s the psychologist now!” 

Laura turned to see the person J.P. had just been waving at. She paused, feeling frozen to the spot, walking through the door was a familiar tall figure; her red hair still framed her face perfectly. 

“Danny…”


	13. Definitions Revisited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy nonsense! Next chapter will be a little darker; just a heads up.
> 
> Y'all are the best. I think Creampuffs are the best kind of people. Your comments and kudos make my life. As someone autism, OCD, and depression it's encouraging to see people positively respond to my story. 
> 
> tumblr: http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

“Laura! I didn’t know you were still in the city.” Danny said as she moved to hug Laura. She bent down and wrapped her arms around Laura who tried not to make her body go stiff, Laura hated being touched without warning, she wanted to seem cool and relaxed around her ex. Danny moved back giving Laura’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah, I stayed here after university; so did LaF and Perry.” Laura said trying to act normal. Their break up hadn’t been horrible and she didn’t hold any anger toward Danny but she wasn’t prepared to see her ex. “So I see you became a real psychologist.” 

“Yeah, I mean I’ve only been license for a few months but, you know, this was always my plan. Are you doing journalism still?” Laura nodded.

“Yeah, I’m a researcher for the local station.” 

“Well this is wonderful. You two know each other!” J.P. exclaimed. “That can help build more of a dialogue during the meeting.” Danny nodded agreeing with J.P., although Laura was sure it would create more awkwardness on her end. Danny pushed her hair out of her face and Laura noticed a shiny ring on Danny’s hand.

“Are you engaged?” Laura blurted out. Danny looked taken aback and glanced at her hand.

“Oh yeah; I keep forgetting people can see the ring.” Danny answered twisting the ring a little. “Do you remember Wilson? Kirsch? He was on the football team; we got together when I started grad school and you know...I never thought I’d be the traditional marriage type.” She said with a giggle. 

“That’s great Danny.” Other people started entering the room and taking seats around the room. 

“It’s really great to see you; you know we’re having an engagement party this weekend. You should come; bring LaF and Perr.”

“Um...yeah...sure. Mind if I bring my girlfriend?” Danny’s smile seemed to fade a touch. 

“You’re seeing someone? I mean the more the merrier.” There was a shift in the air. Laura hated how long they had been making eye contact. J.P. had gone to greet the others so it was just the two of them.

“Look Danny, it’s really nice to see you and I will definitely come to your party but I think it’s a little much to be in a group therapy setting run by my ex.” Laura nervously exclaimed breaking eye contact.

“Oh...yeah...I’ll switch with someone else from my office for the next meeting so you feel comfortable but it’s too late now...I’m sorry.” Danny replied.

“No don’t, I just wanted to get to know J.P. He’s my girlfriend’s roommate but...um... I’m sure I’ll see enough of him.” Laura retorted. She turned to face J.P. who was talking to a short man on the other side of the room. Laura waved awkwardly catching J.P.’s attention; he waved back clearly confused as Laura rushed out of the room and building. 

After reaching her car and turning her key she checked the time. Laura had only been inside for 23 minutes. A prime number.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Woof that’s real awkward.” LaF said as they straighten their tie. They had come over to Laura’s after finishing work to prep for that night’s double date. Laura was laying on her bed while LaF plucked at their hair in the full length mirror. “I mean Danny was cool and all but an ex as a therapist...”

“Group therapist.” Laura cut in.

“Group therapist,” LaF corrected herself. “is awful and weird. Plus you were together when...you..know” Laura flushed pink remember the darkest time in her life. 

“Yeah that adds to the weird-ness. Anyways you and Perr up for the party? Figure we can split the cost of a blender.” 

“How neuro-typical of us!” The pair started to giggle. They fell into a comfortable silence as old friends often do. 

“So,” Laura started. “Not to push you for details or anything but what’s up with you and Perry? I mean I know you guys are...tight…” Laura trailed off unsure of how to ask LaF for details. LaF smiled as a dash of red creeped across their face. 

“I mean we’ve always been close. Since we met we’ve been each other’s person, whatever that means outside of the world of Grey’s Anatomy.” LaF sat down next to Laura on the bed before continuing. “I knew we always meant more to each other then best friends or roommates but there wasn’t a physical or really romantic element to the relationship but neither of us really seemed to want that for most of the time anyways. Plus Perry can get over stimulated so easily and I never wanted to be a trigger by trying to kiss her or hold her hand. Then one day she told me she enrolled in the behavioral trial. I think the meds, their some kind of beta blockers and the cognitive behavioral therapy has really help all the negative autism stuff. She can hold my hand or snuggle without being over stimulated, being touched doesn’t freak her out, and so I guess we’ve ‘coupled up.’ We haven’t defined ourselves but we’re still each other’s person but there’s all that ‘traditional’ relationship-y stuff. It’s super cool.” LaF finished excitedly. 

“If we could travel back in time and tell our SPED selves that we’d be in real people relationships. We’re so normal.” Laura answered.

“Well none of us are neurotypical and we’re all wildly queer so normal is a relative term.”


	14. Socializing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of fluff with a dark twist. Sorry updates are so slow; I work as a debate coach and the first tournament is coming up fast! Between that and school 
> 
> Tumblr: http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

“Why are we going to this party again?” Carmilla asked while lounging on Laura’s bed, lazily flipping through a book. 

“Everyone we care about is invited and going.” Laura said playing with her bangs in the large floor length mirror. “J.P., Perry, LaF, plus a couple more of my college friends. If it isn’t fun we can Irish goodbye the joint.”

Carmilla sat up on the bed putting down her novel before bending to grab up little Crunch who struggled against her grip. 

“You know she doesn’t like to be picked up.” Laura said in a sing song voice watching Carmilla try and hug the cat to her. After a few moments of trying to escape Carmilla hands the cat settled and allowed Carmilla to cradle her like a baby. 

“Boom, would you look at that I’m some kind of cat whisper!” Carmilla said smugly. “Anyways, we’ve done a lot this week; between the double date and movie night we’ve been so active! We could say I have a cold and stay in keeping each other warm.” Laura rolled her eyes before turning to face Carmilla. 

“As tempting as that is; we can’t leave Perry and LaF hanging! Plus if you have severe social anxiety it can be good to have a packed social schedule; cure by exposure.” Laura joked. 

“You don’t need to be cured,” Carmilla said her voice becoming softer. Laura flushed and looked away.

“I know; it’s just easy to make jokes.” Carmilla put the cat on the bed before crossing the room to lock Laura in a tight embrace. “Carm,” Laura whined. “I’m fine just messing around.” 

“I know,” she answered pulling back from Laura. “but I get a reason to hug you and do this...” Carmilla captures Laura lips in a soft kiss. Laura untangled herself from Carmilla so she could turn and face the mirror to continue getting ready.

“Don’t think being all cute and supportive girlfriend-y is going to get you out of this party.” Carmilla clenched at her chest. 

“You break my heart.” She cried out causing Laura to giggle.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is going to be lame.” LaF declared as they got into the back seat of Laura’s car. 

“LaF, don’t be rude!” Perry exclaimed. “But I’m not sure if this is the best way to spend an evening.” Carmilla glanced at Laura.

“See no one wants to go. I already don’t like this Danny character or semi-formal events but WE all like Netflix.”Carmilla whined. 

“She asked me personally; we have to go.” Laura said as she shifted into gear.

“Oh please L, don’t try to tell us you don’t want to show off your hot new girlfriend to your ex.” LaF joked.

“Said hot girlfriend is in the car and can hear you.” Carmilla retorted. 

“Here’s the plan; we go and have some fun then leave at a reasonable time.” Perry added. “That way we make an appearance and maybe see a few other friends before going home.” LaF gently touch Perry’s knee. 

“Sounds like an ace plan Perr!”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You really dated Xena over there?” Carmilla asked. The group had been at the party for about 30 minutes. Laura had introduced Carmilla to Danny and Kirsch who had immediately taken a disliking to the couple. LaF and Perry had been on the dance floor since they got there but Carmilla was clearly feeling anti-social so the couple was standing next to a window near the back of the rented venue hall. It seemed as though the engagement was the only event happening tonight. 

“Yeah, college and all. She was nice and all but a little too protective.” Laura answered but Carmilla seemed to be lost looking out the window. 

“I love the stars.” Carmilla said quietly almost to herself. Laura glanced out the window at the twinkling spots in the sky. 

“Too bad about the light pollution and all.” Carmilla looked at Laura raising her eyebrows in a flirty way before staring out the window again.

“It’s comforting to think how small we are in comparison.” Carmilla graceful features were so perfectly highlighted by the moonlight from the window. Laura couldn’t help but to reach out a push a little bit of curly black hair off her shoulder; an unnecessary action but one the allowed her to move closer to Carmilla.

“Or totally terrifying. Depend on how you look at it.” Laura said sliding even more into Carmilla’s personal space. Carmilla smiled at this biting her lip before putting her arm around Laura pulling her closer. 

“Well these are ying yang viewpoints, and opposite do attract.” Carmilla whispered in Laura’s ear before kissing her cheek. Laura closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment then she felt Carmilla tugged on her hand. She opened her eyes to see Carmilla with her signature smirk; she jerked her head toward a empty hallway. Laura let Carmilla led her by the hand down the hallway and into a smaller unoccupied room. 

“Carm I don’t think we should be here. We should stay in the party room.” Laura said worriedly. Carmilla pulled Laura into her and put her hands on Laura’s hips. 

“I don’t feel like sharing you right now.” Laura considered protesting more but Carmilla was leaning in and there was no way she could resist her soft perfect lips. Carmilla gently took Laura bottom lip giving it a playful tug on. Laura deepened the kiss as Carmilla guided her body so she was being pushed against the wall. Laura could still heard the sounds of the party just a hallway away but that sound that captured her attention was Carmilla moaning into the kiss as she ran her hands along Laura’s torso. Laura detached their lips when she felt one of Carmilla’s hands split under her button up. 

“Carm,” She said warningly. “we have to keep it PG 13; everyone we know is in the other room.” Carmilla removed her hand. 

“PG-13; how...incredibly....dull.” Carmilla said for punctuating each word with a peck on Laura’s lips causing Laura to smile.

“I think making out still counts as PG-13 as long as we keep everything above the waist and above our clothes.” Carmilla grinned before rejoining their lips. Carmilla and Laura quickly got lost in each other; revolving in the feeling of other’s mouth. Neither of them notice the change from happy voices to concerned voices in the other room; they didn’t even realize the music had stopped.

“Carmilla, Miss. Hollis…” A worried voice finally caused them to separate. The unexpected and unnoticed changes to the environment put Laura on edge causing her to tense. Carmilla read the change in Laura body language and took her hand giving it a squeeze. 

“We’re in here, everything okay?” Carmilla answered the voice. The owner of the voice, who turned out to be J.P., rushed into the room. “J.P. what’s going on?” Carmilla asked slowly. 

“Miss. Perry,” J.P. took a deep breathe trying to claim himself. “Something’s wrong she’s...well I don’t know but I think she might be having a depersonalization episode or a panic attack or something. Mx. LaFontaine can’t get her to back. We had to call 911.”


	15. Warming the Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates one evening!
> 
> TW: Panic attack, mention of self harm and depersonalization  
> http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

“We had to call 911.” J.P. words replayed in Laura’s head as her world seemed to narrow and panic started to overtake her. Perry was having some kind of episode and not even LaFontaine could bring her back to reality.

“Hey, Laura I need you to breathe everything is going to be fine. The EMTs will help her and you can help her too but not if you let the darkness win.” Carmilla told Laura gently. J.P. had dashed out of the room after informing them of what was happening. Laura assumed he thought they would follow but she had frozen in place by fear and guilt. “Hey, hey, Laura can you hear me?” She nodded. “Good; it’s me Carmilla just focus on my voice. Would it be better or worst if I touched you?” 

“better.” Laura choked out. She felt a familiar gentle arm wrap around her shoulders. Laura felt calmer but her body refused to relax.

“I’m going to hug you really tight okay.” Carmilla said but Laura couldn’t respond in any way. “Come on Cupcake; nod or something if that’s fine by you.” Laura jerked her head in an awkward nod. Carmilla move in front of Laura and pulled her close. The hug was very tight but not in a painful way rather in a reassure way. Carmilla invaded her sense sending waves of comfort over Laura. After a couple minutes Laura felt able to move again; she moved her around Carmilla’s back bring her close if possible. 

“Cutie you okay? You think we can go and help out LaF and everyone else; so we can take care of Perry.” Carmilla whispered into Laura’s ear. 

“Yes but the sirens and lights I might get overwhelmed.” Laura said trying to keep panic at bay. 

“I’ll be right there. I won’t leave your side.” 

“Okay,” Laura said as Carmilla guided her out of the side room and back to the area where the engagement party had been taking place. “We shouldn’t have left the room; we could have stopped her from escalating.” 

“Laura don’t start blaming yourself. We don’t even know what happened yet.” Carmilla said giving Laura a reassuring squeeze. 

There wasn’t as much mayhem as Laura had expected. Most of the guests were still enjoy cocktails but they were all keeping out of the right side of the room where two uniformed EMTs were administering what seemed like oxygen to Perry who was curled in a tight little ball on the floor. LaF, J.P., and Danny were all standing over the EMTs with Pale worried faces. Carmilla and Laura made their way over to the concerned group. 

“What happened?” Laura asked Danny quietly. She seemed like the best choice since J.P. was very twitchy while LaF was totally still looking like someone had drain the life out of them. 

“I think she was starting to get over stimulated so LaF was taking outside when one of Kirsch’s less likeable Zeta bros grab at her which caused her to jump in surprise and into someone else who spilled a drink on her. It was too much for her. She started to yell and cry; when strangers try to comfort her it just made it worst.”

Danny continued to relay the events of the passed few minutes but Laura stopped listening. Laura couldn’t pull her eyes away from Perry’s small form on ground; shaking on the ground crying. She wondered if she looked so weak and lost during one of her episodes. One of the EMTs touched her shoulder causing her to cry out. It sounded like someone had hit her instead of the worried touched from a medical professional. 

“She’s hypersensitive to touch. She doesn’t anyone to touch her other then me.” LaF said trying to keep the fear out of her voice. 

“Can you help us then? We think she should go to the hospital; based on the meds she’s on and the severity of her panic attack she is at risk for a psychotic break.” One of the EMTs said with both urgency and kindness. LaF moved; they bend down and mumbled to Perry before laying down to spoon Perry. They gentled moved their arms around Perry; they never stopped talking to her. Perry slowly stopped shaking. One of the EMTs left and came back with a stretcher. LaF with the guidance of the EMTs helped move Perry onto the stretcher. The EMTs carried the stretcher out with LaF holding Perry’s hand.

“I’m sorry about all this happening.” Laura said “Perry didn’t mean it; she would never mean to ruin your party.”

“This nothing to apologize for Laura. It’s my job to help people with issues like that.” Danny said. “Maybe you two should meet them at the hospital. I’m sure LaF could use the support.” 

“Well congrats to you and Kirsch.” Laura offered.

“Thanks! It was really good to see you again. It was nice to meet you Carmilla.” Carmilla made a noncommittal noise in Danny’s direction. Laura and Carmilla headed out of the venue hall and toward Laura’s car. Laura was still really shaken up by the night’s events she was about to unlock the car doors when she paused.

“Hey Carm; can you do me a favor?” Laura asked unable to make eye contact with her girlfriend across the top of her car.

“Sure creampuff; I’d do anything for you.” 

“I’m really not feeling myself and I think it wouldn’t be safe to drive.” Laura felt so embarrassed. She was so proud of her ability to drive; she’d overcome so many fears and compulsions in order to get her license but she also knew in order to be a good driver she had to be a safe one. 

“Oh creampuff...this is rather embarrassing…” Laura felt a heat behind her ears fearing Carmilla was about to make a bad joke at her expense. I don’t take my licence with me to parties or bars. It’s easier to avoid any temptation to drink if I don’t have an ID. I mean I look really young so I always get carded but no card no service. Not that I’d try to get drinks but like an extra safe guard.”

“Finally you ramble.” Laura giggled seeing Carmilla turn red. “Um let’s just sit in the car till I get my heart rate normal. I’ll text LaF and tell them we’ll be there soonish.” Carmilla nodded in agreement. Laura unlocked the car and they both got in. Laura started the car allowing it to start warming up while Carmilla played with the radio. 

“Has that happened to Perry before?” Carmilla asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. 

“Yeah but it hasn’t happened in a really long.” Laura looked over at Carmilla who looked out the car window trying to view the night sky. 

“Has something that bad ever happened to you? I mean something so bad that you had to go to the hospital.” Carmilla asked nervously. Laura felt the blood drain from her face; sure she loves Carmilla and they had told each other about the ‘bad stuff’ in their past but this was something Laura never talked about without anyone.

“Once in high school. I don’t really know what happen up something broke in me. I had a depersonalization episode which is kinda like an out of body experience and a panic attack all in one. I freaked out; rocking and crying when my dad tried to touch me and I just ran right over the railing of the upstairs landing in my own house. I hurt myself pretty bad and had to go to the hospital for both physical and mental stuff. But I’m okay now. I know the signs of these episodes and can more or less stop them.” Carmilla touched Laura’s knee. “I know I’m not an ideal partner and this mental health stuff is scary but I think we’re something special.” 

“Oh stop it cutie,” Carmilla cut off Laura. “I’m not scared of this or you. No one is an ideal partner but you’re pretty damn close. I do really love you and not in some puppy dog, college freshmen-y way but in a real way.” There was a different kind of warmth behind Laura’s ears. Her body was reacting to Carmilla’s words in the best way possible. It wasn’t sexual thing; it was love. 

“Can I ask you something?” Laura asked.

“You just did sundance.” Laura rolled her eyes.

“Carmmm,” Carmilla gave Laura’s leg a playful push. 

“Okay, okay, spill it.” 

“How did you that hugging me that tight would help me relax?” Carmilla lifted one of her eyebrows. 

“Don’t be mad but I watch this documentary about Temple Grandin, the autistic animal science. So she invited this machine that hugs the cows as they wait to slaughtered to keep them calm that is based on what helps calm her down...” Carmilla trailed off as Laura broke into a fit of laughter. 

“Did you seriously get me to calm down like a cow?” 

“It worked didn’t it.” The pair laughed for long moment. 

“You feel good enough to drive?” Carmilla asked.

“Yeah. Can you text LaF and tell them we’re on our way?”

“Of course babe.”


	16. Meet the Perr-ents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three updates one weekend; boom! Mainly because there's a good chance there will be a gap between now and the next update due to work. I'm sorry I'm the worst. Also I gave this the once over but I've been struggling more with dyslexia since school started, lack of sleep + stress making focusing/reading/writing harder, so I'm sorry for any grammar issues!
> 
> TW: Misgendering
> 
> Wanna be tumblr friends: http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

One night in the ER quickly turned in a week in the hospital. Perry hadn’t had a severe episode of depersonalization since she was a child plus since she was in clinical trial that complicated things. She wasn’t just someone with autism who had a rough night she was someone with autism who had experimental drugs in her system. The doctor’s at the hospital and those running the trial wanted to make sure she was okay. LaF had moved in Laura’s apartment; they were crashing on her couch between midnight and 6 am when they weren’t allowed to stay by Perry’s side because they weren’t legally family. 

Laura and Carmilla had spent most of the night of Danny’s engagement party in the ER. By the early morning the couple realized their present was necessary; LaF knew they could reach out to either Carmilla or Laura if they needed them. LaF had shown up in front of Laura’s place late the following night. They looked worse for wear and each day seemed to be in a worse state than the last. Laura visited Perry on her lunch breaks but she hadn’t spoken to anyone except LaF since the ‘event,’ as the group called it. Laura hadn’t seen Carmilla much that week; she had be at her studio and her day job but she still offered a lot of support via the phone. 

Laura and LaF had fallen into a strange routine over the past few days. They would wake up at 5:30, Laura got ready for work, LaF to see Perry. Laura would drop them off by 6:15 and she’d get to the station by 6:45. Since Laura came in so early she’s normally leave around 4 in the afternoon. Laura slept till 7 then would get up call Carmilla or her dad while taking care of things around her apartment. Laura cooked dinner and waited for LaF who got there by 12:30. Laura’s sleep cycle was destroyed but she needed to help LaF though Perry’s prolonged hospital stay. It had been a week and a day since the ‘event.’ Laura and LaF sat at her kitchen table eating vegan mac and cheese. 

“I made chocolate chip cookies!” Laura said trying to make conversation; the past few days had been rough but LaF especially off this night.

“Can’t said I’m surprised, L.” LaF replied with a cold chuckle. “Perry’s folks are coming in tomorrow, finally.” Neither of them were fans of Perry’s parents. Her parents weren’t bad people but they treated Perry like an infant. They were as overprotective as Laura’s dad without the willingness to let her make her own choices. 

“I’m not sure if I can deal with them alone.” LaF said quietly. 

“I’ll take off and come with you.” Laura offered.

“Thanks that means a ton.” LaF said with a small smile. “Now as much as I love unhealthy vegan food I’d much rather skip to the sugar.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura was trying really hard to not touch anything. The bright lights and sterilized surfaces just served as reminders of the germ mecca she was currently standing in. She and LaF been at the hospital for 4 hours and 38 minutes both visiting Perry and waiting for her parents. Laura had been mainly standing by the window texting Carmilla while LaF whispered to Perry. LaF had gotten Perry to smile and had let them even take her hand. She was clearly on the mend. But then her parents were in the doorway with a strange look on their faces, it was a mix of concern and condescension, and there was a shift in the energy of the room. 

“Hey Mr. and Ms. P!” LaF said standing and walking over to shake the couples’ hands. 

“Susan! It’s good to see you. Thanks for holding down the fort.” LaF stiffened but they forced a smile. “And you too Laura; we can take over so you two girls can have a break.” 

“I’d much rather be here with Per...Lola.” LaF answered. 

“Oh Susan you’re such a good roommate and friend but we can take it from here. Plus you look like you need sleep and we need to talk to the doctor about Lola treatment.” Perry’s father added. 

“I want to be here when the doctor comes; if that’s okay with Lola.” They glanced over their shoulder at Perry who nodded her consent to have LaF stay; which was no surprise.

“Well Susan...that’s really more of a family thing.” Ms. Perry said a hint of something cold in her voice. Laura was witness the odd scene; LaF trying to hold their ground against Perry’s parents who had yet to even acknowledge Perry.

“Mom, Dad; their staying. I want LaF here; in all likelihood I’m going to be given a discharge date.” Perry said from her bed. 

“Lola, don’t you think this a family problem…” 

“Well LaF is my family.” Perry said cutting off her father. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura decided to meet Carmilla for a late lunch while the doctor came to counsel Perry, Laura knew it was better for her to go especially since LaF had told her they could handle the station. Things had only gotten more tense since Perry had declared LaF was ‘staying no matter what.’ 

Laura parked in front of the deli she was meeting Carmilla at and exhale. Mr. and Ms. Perry really seemed to have no respect for Perry let alone LaFontaine. Laura felt lost in thought and concern for her friends; her focus was broken by a tap on the window of the passenger side. She jumped a little at the noise but broke into a smile when she saw Carmilla standing outside smiling. Laura quickly exited the car so she could properly greet her girlfriend with a long hug. 

“Creampuff it’s been too long.” Carmilla said untangling herself from the hug. 

“Carm it’s been like 6 days.”

“That’s 6 too long.” Carmilla retorted while taking Laura’s hand and leading her toward the deli. “How’s Perry doing?” Carmilla said after they ordered at the counter. 

“She’s been better but she’s going to be discharged soon but her parents are probably making everything worst.” Laura said as they got a table. Carmilla made a concerned face. “They treat her like a child because she had autism to them it's a curse instead of part of her. To them she’s something to be fixed not a person.” 

“Woof they seem like pieces of work!” 

“Yeah they believe all of the Autism Speaks non-sense about needing a cure.” Carmilla lifted an eyebrow at this.

“I mean it wouldn’t be a bad thing to cure autism.” Laura gave Carmilla a pointed look at that.

“Sure it can make life harder but it’s part of who one is. Also it can be as much of a blessing and a curse. It’s part of who we are.” Carmilla changed the topic. The pair fell into their normal flirty chats. 

“So cutie I was thinking we’ve been together for a while and I think we should have a weekend getaway.” 

“What kind of getaway?”Laura said with a grin.

“I was thinking gl-amping.”

“What in the name of Hogwarts is gl-amping?” Laura giggled.

“It’s glamour camping. I like to camp but since you’re not much for the germ-y-ness we can stand in a fancy isolated cabin instead of a tent. We get the nature with limited dirt.” 

“I’m actually not too bad with dirt! My dad took me to this weird therapist when I was 8 who had me and a bunch of other kids with OCD cover ourselves in mud three times a week to overcome our fears.” 

“That kinda sounds awful even for someone without OCD.” Carmilla said with a concerned smile.

“I did cry for the first month but after that I got use to them and now can handle a bit of mud.” 

“So you’re game to stay in a tent?” Carmilla asked hopefully.

“There’s a negative chance I’m doing that. We’re getting a cabin.” Laura smiled at Carmilla who nodded.

“Whatever you want buttercup.” Laura leaned halfway across the table and Carmilla met her for a quick kiss. As if on cue Laura’s phone started to buzz. Laura pulled back and answered the call.

“Hello; this is Laura Hollis speaking.”

“Hey L,” a voice Laura recognized as LaF’s answered. “Can you come back to the hospital or pick me up? Her parents had me removed.”

“What? Why?”

“Can you just get me? I’ll explain then.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura pulled up to the visitor's entrance of the hospital and LaF, who was waiting out front, basically ran and jumped into the car.

“Laura, they’re so fucking evil.” LaF said front the back seat. Carmilla, who had accompanied Laura after she had gotten the worrying call, and Laura turned to face them. 

“What happen? Is Perry okay?” Laura asked.

“Hey the doctor wants to discharge her in two days.” 

“So why are her parents fucking evil?” Carmilla inquired.

“They were asking all these crazy weird questions about her mental state and all these test. Then asked to speak to the doctor privately which was weird because we had gotten good news. They spoke to the doctor outside of her room for a really long time which made both Perr and I really nervous. So after they spoke to the doctor they bounced to go to the hotel. Perry asked me to go to the doctor and find out what they were asking.” LaF started getting red in the face and Laura could see tears at the edge of their eyes. “So I found the doc and asked her what they wanted. At first she wouldn’t tell me but I kinda laid out how I am Perry’s partner and her folks don’t really have her best interest in mind; plus Perry is her patient not her folks. So she told me that her parents are going to try and get Perry declared legally incompetent and want to have her put in like a home.” 

“That’s such bullshit.” Laura and LaF jumped a little at Carmilla unexpected words. 

“I know! So I freaked out.” 

“Totally reasonable.” Carmilla added. 

“I called them a lot of names and told them they couldn’t do it and that Perry is an adult etc. They told me it wasn’t my business and their lawyer was going to handle it. Then I hung up. I guess they called security here and some creepy guard dude forced me out of Perry’s room. She seemed so scared and now I’m like blacklisted.” LaF finished as tears start to spill down their face.

“They can’t have a case.” Laura added.

“The doctor said they have a case but it’s weak and since she’s treated Perry and thinks she’s fine it’ll be hard for them to even get the case heard but the fact they’re trying is making me so mad!” LaF said trying to dry their face. “There’s no way we can even afford a lawyer to defend Perry.” 

“I know someone who can help.” Carmilla said quickly. ‘My sister Mattie is a lawyer.” That was welcome news to Laura. “I’ll give her a ring now and see if we can go to her office. She mainly does corporate law but I know she’ll help.” Carmilla pulled out her phone and tapped a screen a few times before putting it to her ear.

“Hey Mattie; are you free right now I need your help”


	17. Family Ties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got an update before my crazy work weekend!
> 
> tumblr: http://outofthedormintothefire.tumblr.com/

“This office is kinda very much terrifying.” Laura whispered in Carmilla’s ear. Laura, Carmilla, and Lafontaine had been waiting in the lobby of Le Fanu, Spielsdorf, and Belmonde for 36 minutes. The building seemed to be outfitted by the set designer of Downton Abbey only spookier. The dark wooden walls and ornate but uncomfortable chairs put the three of them even more on edge after LaF had discovered the Perrys’ plan.

“I told Mattie this is very important she’ll see us as soon as possible.” Carmilla said taking Laura’s hand and giving it a squeeze. Carmilla leaned forward in her seat and looked at LaF on the far side of Laura. “Hey LaF buddy this isn’t the time to freak, her parents haven’t done anything yet. This is just their evil plotting so we are counter-plotting.” LaF hadn’t moved in 28 minutes, by Laura’s count, they were just looking at point in the distance not moving, not talking, which was very out of character. 

“LaF, you in there?” Laura asked softly. LaF looked down at their hands but before they could answer a tall dark skinned gladded into the room. There was a shift of energy and it was clear this woman was in control of the situation. 

“Mattie!” Carmilla lite up hopping to her feet and releasing Laura’s hand to embrace the woman.

“How’s my favorite little monster?” The woman, now identified as Mattie, asked.

“Now I’m lovely but my friends are in need of some legal advice.” Carmilla said with a gesture towards Laura and LaF. Mattie seemed to make a face.

“Darling, are these some of your old junkie friends? Now I’ve told you before as much as I love and care you kitten I can’t help all of your friends with their bleeding heart addiction stories.” Carmilla seemed a little put off by Mattie’s reprieve.

“No, this is Laura.” Carmilla pointed at her and “LaF, their partner’s parents are trying to have her declared incompetent and had them removed from hospital visitation.” Mattie considered Carmilla’s brief introduction and recap of the day’s discoveries. 

“Well, darlings, let’s go to my office and talk this out.” Mattie led them out out of the lobby up a few stair, down an oddly long hallway, and into slightly less intimidating office with a clear French influence. Laura and LaF grab the two chairs in front of the desk while Carmilla rested against the back of Laura’s chair. Mattie took her throne like seat and cleared her desk. 

“So LaF, is it? What is the deal with your partner?” Mattie pulled out a legal pad and quill pen, odd but fitting her personality. 

“Oh Perr, Lola Perry, is the best. She’s super smart and kind; like in a concern motherly way but also in like the perfect girlfriend way. You know? She wants to take care of everyone but she’s doesn’t always know how so I help her.” LaF started to ramble with a ear to ear grin but Mattie raised her hand as a gesture to stop. 

“While I’m sure your romance is a whirlwind and lovely story; what are her parents trying to do and on what grounds?”

“Right” LaF said clearly put off. “So Perry had autism which comes with a host of issues but she’s totally independent. Her parents have always been controlling and treated her like a toddler. A little over a week ago she got overstimulated and then some asshole dude grab at her which trigger a bit of an episode. Which hasn’t happened since high school and then was normally just a trip to the ER but she’s in a new trial for an anti-anxiety pill that includes cognitive behavior. The doctors running the study asked her to stay longer to much sure it had nothing to do with the meds.” LaF was getting visibly nervous, avoiding eye contact and shifting endlessly in their chair. “Her folks think she can’t take care of herself, never have, and think our relationship is inappropriate. And they don’t even really know we’re together. They’re trying to get ‘custody’ of her but she’s an adult person.” 

LaF continued to describe the event, Perry in her everyday life, and her parents’ belief that she could not care for herself. Mattie just kept taking notes. Laura hoped LaF was able to feel her silent support. When LaF was done talking Mattie considered her notes. 

“So,” Mattie took a long pause. “I don’t think they have much of a case but I can tell you their strategy. Her parents will find some fancy doctor who will say Lola is incompetent her current doctor, you, therapist, the folks running the trial will all disagree. Then the case will be discharged but that could take months. During the pre-trial time, this is the real problem, a judge can place a temporary order to have her placed in the custody of the state.” 

“That can’t happen.” Both Laura and LaF jumped at Carmilla’s words. “I mean that’ll make her worst. She does better with routine that means her apartment and job and being with LaFontaine.” 

“I need her too. She helps me focus and keep the house together. I can’t function normally without her. This week has been hell for me and I can’t be without her for months.” There was a note of panic in LaF’s voice. Laura considered getting up and hugging them but felt it was not the time. 

“Well then we need to get her discharged and back into her normal routine asap. The normality will be appealing to a judge and weaken her parents’ case.” Mattie instructed. 

“They had me barred from seeing her; how can I get her discharged.” Mattie smiled at LaF’s worried words.   
“Well now you have a very scary lawyer with an overgrown lexicon. I’ll call the hospital security now and inform them of the legal hell they will be creating but preventing you from seeing your partner and getting her discharge; if her current doctor gives her the all clear.” Mattie lifted up her phone and began to dial.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Laura laid on her bed totally drained from the day’s events. Carmilla flopped down next to her. She pushed some of Laura’s hair back and kissed her neck as she settled down to sleep. 

“Cupcake; you look very worried.” Carmilla stay laying her arm across Laura’s stomach.

“How could I not be? I mean Perry’s parents are trying to eliminate her legal rights for what? Autism? That’s just evil.” 

“I agree but we got her discharged plus big sis Mattie to back us up if this even goes forward. They might back off since we got her discharged.” Carmilla said snuggling even closer to Laura.

“I know, I know I just can’t believe someone would that to their kid. I mean even if my kid was differently abled I would never try to take their life away.” Laura felt tears pull at the corner of her eyes. 

“Well your kids won’t have some judge-y meanie ableist as a parent. They’ll have a you; and for the time being Perry folks won’t be successful they’ll just be annoying.” Carmilla added pressing her lips to Laura’s shoulder.

“Do you want kids?” Laura’s question settled over the resting couple. It both held no meaning and all the meaning in the world.

“I like the idea of kids but I don’t think I could be a parent without the right partner.” Carmilla answered as she started to trace a star pattern on Laura’s stomach. “You?”

“I really want kids but I’m not sure I’m built to be a mom.” Laura said while tangling her fingers in Carmilla’s dark curls. 

“Oh creampuff; you’d be an amazing mom.” 

“Carm stop; I’d be like a freak show parents.” This cause Carmilla to sit up on her elbows. 

“Laura don’t even start. You’d be so loving and teach them everything about the world. They’d grow up knowing what’s it's like to live with and overcome a mental illness which would make them stronger and more compassionate. Plus, I bet they’d be amazing at multiples of two.” Laura tried to read Carmilla face using all the techniques years of therapy had taught to see if there was an indicator dishonesty but all she saw was...love. Carmilla must really love her. Laura felt herself surge forward to capture Carmilla’s lips. 

“If we have a kid, in like 5-10 years, they’d have the greatest moms.” Laura said barely detaching their lips.

“Good at math and a perfect smirk; someone better call MIT.” Carmilla said before crawling on top of Laura and deepening their shared kiss.


	18. Dear Ol' Dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while :( sorry gang

Mattie had worked so kind of legal magic. After the Perrys had filed their suit to get Perry declared incompetent Mattie had bombarded them with document requests, injunctions, and other meaningless legalese that kept the suit from moving forward. Laura was in awe of Mattie’s tactics but it couldn’t work forever. After a few weeks some judge ordered Perry to be seen by a Dr. Vordenburg. He sound more like a scary baron then a mental health specialist. 

After Vordenburg evaluation LaF had called Laura sobbing. Laura couldn’t remember LaF ever really crying. Between broken sobs Laura pieced together that after her appointment Perry had shut down, she had disassociated, and stopped talking; LaF hadn’t been allowed in the doctor’s office so they had no idea why. 

This sent Laura into her own personal panic first she called Carmilla, who she didn’t really except to answer because she had a shift at the store, after she didn’t answer she called the other person who made her feel safe, often to a fault. Her dad.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next night found Carmilla acting very unsettled as Laura drove them out of the city towards the suburban she grew up in.

“If Papa Hollis hates me…” Carmilla started.

“Carm he’s going to love you because I love you and if he doesn’t love you he’ll definitely like you.” Laura said as she spied the sign for the exit. 

“Grown ups tend to dislike me and that’s putting it lightly.” 

“I’m a grown up and I really like you.” Laura goofly flirted. 

“Okay cops don’t like me.”

“Oh come on Carm, he’s not even a cop. He’s a security consultant. He prevents crime doesn’t solve them.” Laura awkwardly reach her hand out to touch Carmilla’s shoulders without taking her eyes off the road. “When I called him upset last night he basically begged me to come and see him; just to make sure I’m okay and meet you. He’s been asking to since we meet; even before you were my girlfriend.” 

“Those 15 minutes or so.” Carmilla said taking Laura’s hand from her shoulder and holding it in both of her’s.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Laura! You are a sight for sore eyes.” Her dad had opened the door when they had pulled into the driveway. His hug lifted Laura off the ground. She was shocked her 60 something dad could still pick her up like this. “And this,” he said placing her down. “must be Carmilla.” 

“It’s lovely to meet you Mr.” Carmilla was cut off by a bear hug from her dad who ignored her outstretched hand. “Hollis.”

“Call me Bob.” He said releasing Carmilla. “Now I have Laura’s favorite stew cooking; it should be ready in half an hour or so. If you gals could set the table while I make sure nothing burns.” He added guiding them into the house. “After that Laura can give you the grand tour! If she remembers where everything is; it has been a while since she’s been home.” 

“Ha ha dad.” Laura replied cheerfully. 

He broke off into the kitchen and Laura showed Carmilla to the dining room. 

“He already adores you! See no reason to be nervous.” Laura said laying down the place mats as Carmilla grabbed three plates. 

“We’ve interacted for a few seconds; I can still screw this up.” She said avoiding Laura’s eyes, seeming oddly interested the dinner plate she was holding. 

“Carm, you’d never screw this up. He’s not looking for reasons to dislike you and even if he was all he’d find is a little bit of mystery and mediocre morning breath.” This pulled a smile from Carmilla. They quickly finish setting the table and Laura guided Carmilla though the rest of the house. The pair only pause in Laura’s childhood bedroom for a chaste kiss and a smirky line about from Carmilla about the number of Harry Potter posters. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dinner went smoothly. Papa Hollis made the traditional bad dad jokes about courting his daughter; his cheerful attitude did seem to relax Carmilla. After they finished eating the trio made their way into the living room for dessert in a more casual setting.

“So…” Her dad started. “How’s the case going? Are Lola’s folks still...as intense as I recall?”

“They’re really pushing this. It’s ruining all the progress Perry’s been making overcoming her anxiety and communicating better.” Laura said her sadness and discomfort keeping her from making eye contact. She felt Carmilla touch her arm lightly to reassure her. “Carm’s sister has been helping her and LaF by representing Perry’s interests but they just won’t move on and let Perry live her own life.”

“I know it’s hard for you kids to understand” Her dad said cutting himself a generous slice of chocolate cake. “But they do love Lola, they just don’t know how, they think what they are doing is best for their kid. It is hard having a child with special needs and every parent deals it differently. While what they’re doing is wrong and likely wildly expensive they think they are protecting their kid. This is them showing their love; as twisted as that may seem.” 

“There is a difference between love and control.” Carmilla said quietly but firmly. “Perry an adult but her folks can’t see that and her being independent scares them; their just trying to take about control of her. That keeps them from even seeing Perry as a whole person; they just see her autism not her.” 

“Don’t think I’m trying to defend them, just know they aren’t evil just confused.” There was a tense air that seem to settle around them. Laura shifted as the silence built.

“Aren’t you just supposed to show Carmilla embarrassing baby photos?” Laura added with an awkwardly causing her dad to grin and go to the bookshelf; taking down a number of photo albums. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Cupcake I can’t believe you wore a homemade Hufflepuff robe every day for a year.” Carmilla commented as the couple got in the car a little over an hour later. 

“Carm I didn’t have any friends and the robe, I dunno made me feel safe.” Laura giggled. “I think my dad liked you.” Laura put the car in gear.

“You don’t think I upset him with the stuff about Perry?”

“I think he liked the challenge. I mean Danny just tried to please him; you have your own voice; it’s one of the reasons I love so much; Hollises tend to have similar taste.” Laura could see the flicker of a smile out of the corner of her eye. “And if he didn’t then...well...that’s whatever.”

“Such a way with words.” Carmilla said lending over to give Laura a peck on the cheek.


	19. Loophole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big developments in the case

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so late/taking forever. I've had some personal issues between school and losing my job that kept me from being a person. I'm not gonna lie it's been a rough two months but I'm back on track
> 
> Tumblr - outofthedormintothefire

It was nearly two months before LaF and Perry heard about the case. Perry’s parents were moving forward based on Dr. Vordenburg advice. Mattie drafted dozens of briefs but it was clear Perry’s rights as a disabled adult was at risk. Carmilla told Laura that Mattie was rather excited about the case, she’d called it a ‘career maker,’ but everyone else was scared. Perry had become more withdrawn and LaF seemed shell shocked. Mattie filled to have a mediation where all parties would meet in an attempt to settle.

When the mediation date came Carmilla and Laura came for moral support but weren’t allowed in the chambers nor, much Perry’s dismay, was LaF. So the trio anxiously awaited the mediation session to end. For almost three hours they sat on a bench, barely talking, moving, or doing anything but hoping everything would turn out alright. LaF just clutch their hands and look straight ahead.

“You know,” They started snapped Laura and Carmilla to attention. “We were, me and Per, were real close to having like a real thing. Not just some light hearted high school or college thing but a grown up relationship. I don’t I thought in a couple years we could get married, maybe have kids. Her parents would stop seeing me as some weirdo and her as a helpless child. I don’t, it just seem almost within possibility. Just out of arm’s reach.” 

As if on cue, the doors of the mediation swung open Perry’s parents walked out with a smug look on their faces. The judge, mediator person, walked out looking tired. Then Mattie with Perry, who had clearly been crying. LaF leap to their feet quickly going to Perry; they opened their arms but waited for Perry to step into the hug. Perry accepted the embrace. 

“Now I can’t disclose what happened in the session without Perry’s consent which I’m sure is fine but I’d rather have it in writing. Moreover, that was rather…” Mattie paused “draining. Let’s all meet in my office tomorrow morning if it’s alright with Perry.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Perry was, of course, fine with Carmilla, Laura, and LaF knowing what happened at the mediation session. The group carpool together and reached Mattie’s office a whole 30 minutes early, much to a sleepy Carmilla’s dislike. Mattie wasn’t even at the office yet. 

“Cupcake…” Carmilla groaned “you could have let me sleep just a touch more.” 

“Too important! Carm, the early bird catches the worm.” Laura answered trying to be her normal perky self. LaF and Perry had be very quiet; neither had spoken other than a greeting when the pair got into the car. 

The group didn’t have to sit in a strange silence with broken small talk for long. Mattie Pulled into the lot about 10 minutes after the group had arrived. Mattie stepped out of her car looking on point. The group scrambled out of the car and head towards Mattie.

“Well,” Mattie said when the foursome reached her, “Aren’t you all excited. Nice to see you before noon sister.” Carmilla grumbled something. 

“Shall we,” Mattie led the group to the office door and unlocked it. She took them into her personal office. “sit please. We have some serious things to discuss.” Everyone grabbed a chair with LaF and Perry sitting in the center. Laura felt a little strange not having Carmilla at her side. 

“Perry has given me permission share what happened yesterday during mediation. Now I’m not going to sugar coat it. It didn’t go well. Based on the report that doctor put together,” Mattie said doctor with a huge amount of disdain. “there’s a very good chance we will lose.” There was a joint intake of breathe. “I know that is very scary but there is no chance we would lose on appeal. So we are 4 months from a court date and it’ll be another 8-12 months for the appeal.” 

“So another year.” LaF said defeated. 

“Yes,” Mattie said “But it is unlikely that there will be only one appeal. This is the kind of thing where there are no clear laws. The Americans with Disability Act avoids us with a fair amount of leverage but the lack of legal standards for people with autism leaves a lot in the air. In all honesty this case could take up to 5 years when all said and done. In that time, Perry, you would have very little control over your own life going from custody of your parents, living on your own, or even being ordered to a live-in facility until this is all sorted.” Perry started to cry. Mattie handed her a tissue as she tries to get herself under control. LaF gently took her hand.

“We do not want that. Perry needs stability on her terms.” LaF offered. 

“Exactly, so Perry what do you want?” Mattie asked.

“To be normal.” She choked out. “I want to just be like everyone else so then this would never happen. It isn’t fair.”

“It isn’t fair but if you were, if were normal then we would have never met. That’d be worst I think” LaF said. 

“Yes that would be but this is pretty bad.” Perry’s focus shifted from LaF to Mattie. “I want this to be over and get my life back before my parents’ tried to take it away.” Mattie nodded.

“I thought as much. While I’d love to build a career off of this case I’m good enough of a lawyer to find something. I think I have figured out a loophole. The strongest part of their case is there is no one can formally care for Perry in the current situation” LaF opened their month, “Well we know that isn’t truth.” LaF didn’t voice their thought as Mattie was clearly on a roll. “LaFontaine is clearly a caring partner and roommate who can help Perry with any difficult her autism present while living independently they have no legal standing. There’s no legal or family relationship between them unlike with her parents.” 

“We know of all of this Mattie.” Carmilla said clearly wanting her sister to get to the point. 

“Now dear sister, don’t you see there’s an easy fix where even if we lose Perry will be able to stay in her home with LaF and no appeal.” Everyone had confused looks on their faces until a nervous smile crossed LaF’s face. 

“Mattie I think I know what you’re saying but I want you to said it so I’m not well…” They glanced at Perry “wrong.” 

“Well dears, the solution is LaFontaine and Perry need to get marry.”


	20. Shocking Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Sorry. I'm back-ish

Now the gang was trying to get a legal wedding handled in mere hours to protect Perry from her over-protecting ablist parents. Who would have known such a grand romantic move would begin in the DMV. The line snaked for what seemed like miles but was really just 50 or so feet filled with defeated people. Their grimness was only outmatched by the bored looking employees. Laf was very twitchy but Perry seemed to be filled with peace. This was their freedom; so is a really big moment. Luckily for them, Laura was joyfully freaking out.

"Guys this is incredible like a queer-inclusive romantic comedy!" Laura exclaimed. "This is awesome. Like should we call the local news or disability rights groups or a bakery or a cake!"

"Cupcake, your rambling which is cute and endearing for everyone in the group but," Carmilla gestured to the others around them. "the others don't seem to be too pleased." There seemed to be a lot of dirty looks going around. "I think the DMV is a low energy place." 

"How could anyone be low energy on a day like today! My best friends are getting married and its very social justice-y." Laura continued. Just as an annoyed looking man opened his month; Laf and Perry were called to the front. The pair paid the fine and got their Marriage certificate. 

"Ok step one down; step two get them married." Mattie continued. "Now there is a bunch of nice looking trees on the other side of the lot. I vote we do this thing." 

"Now sis sorry to slow this train down but don't we need a justice of the peace?" Carmilla asked.

"Well I am multi-skill; I married some friends in the south of France six months ago. I can and shall be marrying them. You and Laura will be the two witnesses." Mattie explained.

"Seems like we have a whole wedding party." Laf laughed. "This is happening; this is mine," They glanced at Perry and reached for her hand. "Our wedding day." 

The ceremony was short, sweet, fast, but totally beautiful. This was a moment of pure empowerment and more importantly, love. It was a magical thing to witness. After the ceremony ended, Mattie had her paralegal submit the brief. Hell might rain down on them but Mattie assured the group that if Perry was declared unable to care for herself Laf would be given power of attorney. 

"When her parents find out they will be pissed," Carmilla told Laura when they were alone driving home. "But it seems totally worth it."

"Kinda like us? Kinda totally worth it?"


	21. Thanks

Hey all!

Thank you for reading this fic. It has been my good day outlet. I know I am ok when I am writing.

So thanks for reading.

A. D.


End file.
